one dizzy journey

New posts..... New posts.... new posts!!!!!

2009-04-04T03:02:00.003-05:00

hey I have been posting on my NEW blog... CHECK it out!!!!!
www.hisrenownphotography.blogspot.com
if you have been following me here.... switch it up!!!!
sweetness!!!

NEW YEAR.... NEW BLOG!!!!

2009-01-18T21:03:00.002-06:00

Okay so I haven't blogged in FOREVER.. I could give you a HUGE list of why... but i don't believe in excuses... SOOOO
I HAVE A NEW BLOG... no I am NOT giving up on talking/writing... but well see here i am with a issue.. i could continue to blog here and there and do no justice to the blog world.. OR i could do what i do BEST... TAKE photos and SHARE them with you...
so with that... you will now find me at....
www.hisrenownphotography.blogspot.com
Hope you will come check em out!!!
thanks for joining me on the journey hope you will join me on this one!

a vist to hell... err i mean vegas airport

2008-04-10T18:25:00.002-05:00

have you ever stopped and wondered 'humm what is hell like? hope i never find out? is it really like the visual image you read of in books? could it really be like it is said of in the Word?" ....
well after spending over 4 hours now STUCK in the Las Vegas airport--- i think i have had my glimpse into hell. in fact as i have sat here and watched in sadness the people around me, i have decided this really could be the next great stagging for the big 'revival' --- where is a good tv evangelist when you need one???
so here is what i have seen...
pretty much 80% of those i am surrounded by are the poster children(?) for the AARP- 1/2 of them look very upset because they just lost their last 2 of not 3 social security checks at the casinos and what change they did have in their pockets at the airport slots... the other 1/2 are on cloud 9 because they somehow smoked the man out and tripled their social security check---
you then have the young ... i'm now of legal age to come to vegas and PLAY crowd (NOTE TO THIS GROUP: run... RUN... don't walk to your nearest exit NOW!) most of them are walking heads down as they have pushed it too far and that "one last hand" to see if they could come back positive---took them further and further south.
you have some that didn't go that route... they just passing through... but yet here in vegas you can't escape- the machines are everywhere---
and there people sit. plunking coins and pulling handles... hoping... praying for a pay out... yet in 4 hours I haven't heard one person hit it... not one!
my heart breaks-- i want to go tell them they are hoping and praying for the wrong pay out. that they can yank the lil arm all night and even if the coins fall out-- it is still EMPTY.... but the spinning and clanging and noise drowns out any hope of a conversation.
so i'll sit and pray... and watch... and wonder about the real story of their lives...
walk on
Lizzy

a lost and found identity

2007-11-22T23:02:00.000-06:00

i have been wanting to write for a long time...
so much to say- but so unsure how to say it.
have had some pretty awesome things happen...
then i felt like the bottom of my world fell out-
ever been there?
... it was the craziest experience. usually i see it coming- but this time- WOW blind sided is such an understatement.
here i was- life was going along well, i felt like i was in a good place, i made some really big choices for myself--- they were a challenge but good challenge... and i felt good about it. i had finally found an apartment to move into and i was feeling okay about it... and that is when it happened.
i was in my apartment and i was starting to unpack- and i was looking at all these memories- 15 years of youth ministry looking back at me. years of amazing transformation in the lives of students- and even me. there were some pretty tough years too. churches with pastors that didn't (don't) believe in the very Word of God- don't believe that Jesus is the Only way-- who fought me about my beliefs even though they knew when they hired me who they were getting. so i found myself surrounded by photos, and keepsakes of years and years of ministry- lives changed and a life challenged and now? GONE... and what was left??? NOTHING... it was crazy.. but all of a sudden i felt like a shell of who i was.
see i always joked about how you could never separate me from my ministry and my ministry from me. i lived very transparently- what you saw was what you got (still is) but every thing about who i was was my ministry and everything about my ministry was who i was. there was no separation- i didn't ever want someone to say-- oh that is the lizzy that is at church with students... and this is the lizzy with us... so i looked at this stuff and wondered who i was without it. who could i be and what use was i? ... so stinking crazy! i kept telling myself so-- but suddenly i was frozen. i didn't unpack anymore. i didn't talk to anyone who i didn't have to. i wasn't sleeping, i was more than burning my candle at both ends. ---and the craziest part--- i didn't really 100% see it. i just knew i couldn't handle people- so i stopped being around them if i didn't have to be... to the extreme i even avoided church for a few weeks.
finally a friend of mine realized something was off and cornered me on the phone one night. not sure she was 100% ready for the flood that came drowning out the other end... i didn't even realize everything i was feeling until i started talking about it... but it felt good to talk about it.
i still find myself struggling some with it all. my apartment is still not all the way unpacked-- but it is more because of time then because of being 'frozen'---
it is crazy the way things come at us at times. when we least expect it-- WHAM! but there it is. we also, i believe, don't realize how things really are going to effect us.
for me it is just one more turn on this dizzy road called life... and that is okay. He is EVER faithful and is seeing me through this too.

be blessed and bless.. and be ever mindful of those around you! i am ever thankful for a dear friend, rachel, for taking the time to stop and talk to me...

enjoy each step in the road.. the high steps... the low steps.. and even the ones that make you dizzy!

Blessings!
lizzy

seeking....

2007-08-29T22:54:00.000-05:00

it has been a LONG time since i last posted. for many different reasons.... er .... umm excuses?? yeah okay no such thing as GOOD excuses for not putting down what is stirring around in my heart and soul. so much has been going on and i think the main reason i haven't put it down has been out of PURE FEAR! yes ladies and gents- i lizzy- am a CHICKEN! --- feathers and funky head bob included! you see the moment i put it down- the moment i commit to paper---er--- webspace???---whatever it becomes more 'real'... okay sure argue with me on this fact--- you won't win--- this is MY brain we are talking about... and if you have ever been where i am you understand what i am talking about....
let me start here----
so a few weeks--- or has it been a month ago now? anyway awhile back our church went to a rockhounds game--- i didn't go for the game---- i went for the social aspect of the event. PROMISE i am not sure i even watched 5 min of the game. i watched the 'opening pitches' you know where they have 'special guests' throw out the ball... yeah... and umm i watched our bikers group (the stonegators-- yes all our church has a bikers group!)ride around the field. well the rest of the night i just chatted with folks. WELL and i took pictures- for those that know me that is NO surprise... I don't go far without it! :)
well one of my favorite subjects are my most amazing friend Rockstar-Rachel's kiddos... especially- Zane-- there is something about him--- he captures you with his eyes...but his words will get you too! he was walking around in the grass and i snapped the following picture:
when i asked zane what he was doing after i grabbed this pic- he looked at me and said--- "looking for a 'venture'" ....humm looking for an adventure.
this picture and his words have stayed with me....
looking for an adventure....
not so much that i am looking for an adventure...but that i am seeking right now... seeking what God is really calling me to do---- what His will --- His plan--- His desire for me is...
I moved back to Midland with a thought...a idea and a goal... I have worked hard to keep my heart and my mind really focused on HIM and HIM alone.
the best part is i can honestly say that HE has been about a lot of HEALING over the last 4 1/2 months... but i also know i feel alot like how zane looks in this picture... i'm seeking... i'm kind of draggin my toes in the grass looking for an answer to a lot of asked questions in my prayer time. He knows His plans for my life... i am going to keep walking and seeking....more on this later... as i seek the 'venture'... with the wise words of a 3 year old... what is it that we read??? 'and a child will lead them' hummmm wow....
k...seeking.............

blessed in the midst of skinned knees....

2007-06-16T15:13:00.000-05:00

Okay...so to be fair in the midst of all the falling down...dusting off
and getting back up of the last few weeks or so of my life there have
been moments of blessing. Moments when I have been given the opportunity
to actually catch my breath and even at times take a deep breath. There
have been times (yes even in the face flat on the ground moments) where
I have been able to rejoice and know that even though my road is not
lined with roses and gold (and wow would I want that anyway?)
THIS...THIS is what and where I am to be right now.... I have been able
to come back to a place of community. Where I have friends who are more
family than some of my own.
As I start new and fresh with a lot of unknowns I don't have to do every
thing from phase one....I don't have to start from scratch building from
the ground up.... YES IN THESE THINGS I REJOICE!!!! And I rejoice that
no matter how many times I fall down I can and will get up because HE is
my strength...and I rejoice because it is when I am facedown that I am
reminded that that is truly the attitude we are to come to the father
with.....
Matt Redman has an amazing song out with the following line..."and I'll
fall facedown as Your glory shines around. Yes, I'll fall facedown as
Your glory shines around" that simple chours reminds me that it is the
humbleness of heart that He desires before Him. Not a proud boastful
heart....
So it has not been easy...so I have skinned my knees...I have bruised my
shins...what is that in the grand picture of this life? As I think about
it I actually rejoice that I have fallen on my face because it is when I
am flatout that He meets me the hardest...He gets up in my face and
lovingly wipes away the stains and dirt and replaces it with His LOVE
and His HOPE and His MERCY. See when we forget to worry about what is
around us and who might be watching us fall....we just get real with
Him. We strip away the stuff of the world and invite Him in......So are
you ready? Instead of waiting for the ground to fall out from beneath
you.... why don't you fall down?......FALL FACEDOWN!LET HIS GLORY SHINE AROUND.....

off for some facedown time...
Lizzy

one day i hope to be like you dad....

2007-06-16T14:45:00.000-05:00

yesterday i spent sometime with my new friend rachel taking pics of her 3 amazing and beautiful children as a surprise for her husband jon for father's day. the whole idea was to dress the kids in their dad's clothing- each one in a different piece of his clothes- then i edited them. we originally thought we would do black and white...but then i was playing around with my new editing software and below is what i came up with. so here ya go.... this is what i call:

"Dad one day I hope not just to grow into your shadow but into the very image of the man you are...you are the one I look up to...the one who inspires me...holds me when I cry...and provides for my every need...YOU are my gift from THE Father...and on this Father's Day I rejoice and Thank Him for the gift of you to me!"

umm yeah....
and that my friends was a PERFECT afternoon!
Lizzy

warning will robinson...warning! ....rough road ahead!

2007-06-07T20:27:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the road of life feels like one big constant POTHOLE. Been
there? Ya know you hit one little hick up and you think...ah no biggie.
Then the next one comes right as you are dusting the dirt off your
skinned knees....and WHAM!! Down you go again. Determined you jump up
and quickly go to dusting off the dirt and cleaning the junk out of your
now raw knees....and in the midst of it all you are knocked off your
feet again. You try to stay positive. Your friends joke with you that if
you had luck all it would be bad luck....you try to keep it positive and
laugh...hahaha...so not funny even though they are just trying to cheer
you up. You have faith...you know the one who holds you in His hands and
directs your paths.... that is why this is so hard...why bad days and
bruised skinned knees day after day with no end in sight seems
unbearable. But life does happen and sometimes it really does just
spiral out of control and feel overwhelming. As one friend said "maybe
He is just getting ready to bless you." Maybe...or maybe He is just
needing to break me for one reason or another....well...DONE. Been a
long few weeks and I am ready for some relief from the Mac Truck
encounters.... too much to ask?
Slowly pickin myself back up....dusting off my knees...
Lizzy

summer time blues

2007-06-01T14:44:00.000-05:00

Well this is my first summer in 13 years that I will not spend at least
one week at summer camp, one week (and often two or three) on a mission
trip, various side trips on the weekends to music festivals, retreats,
and other such youth ministry related outings.

Last summer I had my 'lightest' summer on record as I was only gone on
Youth Ministry related trips or encased in in-town multiple day events
a total of 5 1/2 weeks of the 9 week summer... seriously... some of you
reading this think that is bad... but that was a light summer! I
actually got to take a vacation in the midst of my summer madness last
year... that never happens... well okay I only got to because school
started so early in Texas and so did summer band... but any way.... it
was a light summer...

And now this year has come... summer is here... how do I know this fact?
Well school is out (duh lizzy easy one there...hey never said I was a
rocket scientist!) ... kids now fill the streets in search of the summer
job (or trying to avoid it)...the temps are on the rise (ugh! What the
heck? I love Texas but mercy it is already in the 90's and it is just now
June 1st!) and summer camps and mission trips are in full swing!....

Last week our jr. High kids from my new church I am attending took off
for a week at camp and on monday the sr. High kids will depart...I would
say they trade places 'passing in the night' but well that makes it
sound crazier then it is...the youth staff does sleep for a day or 2 (I
think)... at any rate as I have prayed for my camper this past week
memories of old have come washing over me. All those years of camp and
mission trips. Endless nights sleeping in strange places (okay maybe
sleeping is an over statement) working and going until you think you
can't go anymore yet you do. Late night conversations had by the
campfire or sitting next to the river at the end of an amazing mission
trip listening to the heart beat of one of your students.... and I
realized that this whole deprogramming and reprogramming is not really
possible.

See inside of me is this heart that has been shaped and molded by the
hands of the Master Himself- there have been no mistakes in the grand
plan of what has been the journey of my life thus far. I am going to
miss the activity of what has been my identity of a "summer" for the
last 13 years... I will not lie... I will continue to shed tears in the
privacy of my bedroom late at night as I look at pictures from mission
trips of years past (as that is what I will miss the most). BUT I look
forward (yes with a little nervousness) to the plans He has for me and
the vision of the ministry He has planted...I will not run (even if that
feels easier) ...I will not hide (even when people tell me it is not
possible- because it is HIS calling on my life)... I will be faithful
(even when it is tough and it is easier to doubt).

So this summer I will spend it in a cold (umm in more then one way burr
turn down the AC) office building working in the cooperate world...crazy
never thought you would hear me say those words...because reality said I
needed a job that would take care of me so I could pursue my
calling...this dream....this vision...

Alrighty then walk on my friends..dream big and don't be afraid to
follow those dreams even if they turn your life upside down and
180degrees!
Lizzy

i'm so weird meme?

2007-05-19T11:54:00.000-05:00

okay so mindiloohoo my buddy of buddies tagged me on this awhile a go but with the move...adjusting to mornings and NOT having my own computer (but I do now thanks to am amazing woman...more on that later) i am just now getting to this....

okay so the deal is I am suppose to list 6 strange/weird things about me (problem 1- i am weird/strange so this will be tough!) and tag 6 others to do the same.... not sure i know 6 others that blog who read my blog (does anyone read my blog?) to do the same....but cause she is my friend i will do it... here we go...

6 weird things about lizzy.... (strange things?)

1. growing up i always wanted 20 kids... yup you read that right 20. never even blinked an eye... then people would ask if i wand and equal number of boys and girls...and i would say "i don't care..i just want 10 white and 10 black" .. see i was raised in an air force community by parents who refused to allow us to see color... so i didn't and all i knew was i had these friends (well they were my dads friends...guys in the service with him) who would come over and hang out at our house to watch sports and such cause they mostly didn't have families... and they had the coolest sounding voices and the prettiest skin. i use to tell them i wanted a tan like theirs...and they would laugh at me and tell me that they had 'black skin and i had white skin and that God just born them that way.... so it wasn't a tan' so i decided that when i got older God would 'born me some kids with black skin and kids with white skin' cause i thought it was the most beautiful skin... now of course when i got older i finally figured out it didn't work that way....you don't get to pick the color...let alone the gender of your babies--- i would still love to have a multi cultural family.... adoption sounds amazing to me! :-)

2. i was convinced i could make shawn cassidy fall in love with me (if you don't know who he is...you are TOO YOUNG!...come on ...a do run run a do run run...and the hardy boys???) by re-enacting his 'circus of the stars' (remember those shows...oh my I AM old) act on my back yard swing set by jumping off the roof of my house onto our metal swing set trapeze...umm yeah ... lets just say Shawn Cassiday never heard of my wonderful act ...he never came to cheyenne, wyoming and swept me off my feet...and i just ended up with some stitches and a broken ankle and wrist... DANG HIM!... and OUCH did that hurt!

3. i am 34 and am afraid of the dark....yup there you have it! okay i have been my whole life....so it is legit! my rents say that i have been since i was born...they would put me in my crib as a baby and turn out the light and i would wake up screaming....they tried everything...even went to a head doc when i was like 6... he gave me an 'imaginary dog' which being the middle child i am ...i took to extremes...we had to by food, bowls...leash...you name it... we did it.. i would scream that people were sitting on oscar.. and a few days later my dad comes in my room and goes to turn the light off...and i'm like...oh you can't...i'm not afraid anymore...but oscar is...hahaha yeah they lost that one!

umm this is not easy...cause i am just weird....

4. i am a walking oxymoron....i love the funky look.. ya know spikey hair... more funky type clothes (not that i can truly wear them at work) ...but i also love a good pair of cowboy boots and jeans....and well my favorite sport? RODEO... hahah yeah people are always shocked to learn that fact.. i love a good rodeo...especially bull riding.. bareback...saddle bronc..basically the rough stock.. and men in some good wranglers..hahaha.. yeah my tastes are all over the map.. it always shocks people when we talk sports and i get all sorts of excited about rodeo... welcome wyoming... i was raised there after all!!!!! even my music tastes show my walking oxymoron... from country to 80's to worship music... to good instrumental... to punk/funk.. and even reggae... dang now i wanna go dancing... hahaha

5. i am a walking soundtrack-- thankfully i have ALMOST mastered the art of keeping it inside.almost! people say things and it triggers this little monkey in my mind and songs pop out... luckily i usually sing the lyrics only in my head as most of the time they are 80's tunes.. and i am with people who don't really know me yet.. haha.. but yeah.. and it is really bad when i am tired! and i always think i am funny when it is happening...and usually people just look at me...which is why i am trying to master the whole 'keep it in your head lizzy'

6. i'm a closet dancer...haha i love to dance... would go out dancing all the time if i had people to do it with...so instead i turn up music in my house and dance around all the time (not so much now that i am living with some friends) ...when i was younger my best friend sadie and i would make up dances and do them in her driveway for anyone walking or driving by...we would even do some on roller skates... i can STILL do the whole michael jackson thriller, beat it and billy jean video dances...and a few cyndi lopper video dances...and ashamed to say some madona as well.. oh my those were the days... now i just dance around the house..... yeah... watch out...so you think you can dance here i come...NOT! hahahahahaha thank you Jesus I am too old to even try out!

okay now who do i tag??? um how about Maryann Arnold... Lisa loo arnold... Heidi... Len... (though mindi may have...but he has yet to respond!) mirianda.....shayla.... and anyone who is reading this...and hey let me know you read it! hahah

sick joke them alarm clocks!

2007-05-19T11:34:00.001-05:00

so it has been 4 weeks since my move back to midland...and the de-programing and re-programing is a slow and on going process. t is so strange. there are still moments on sunday evenings where i will glance at the clock and have a panic attack as i think i have missed and/or am late to youth. then i have the sweetest picture of two of my girls from s'ville all dressed up for prom on my desk that they gave me as i left town.... i look at it every day and i would be lying if i didn't admit to a wave of sadness washing over me. ...then this week i got the 'application for nywc vol staff' in my email inbox...which has always been the highlight of my year...and well this will be the FIRST time in 7 years that i will not be at the convention....and the first time in 6 years that i will not be at at least 2 convention--- i have volunteered with them for the last 6 years... everything from head qrts...to registration...to interpreting... it is so hard to admit that this year i won't be there... i may have to find a 'aa' type group meeting to attend during those times... that will be the real withdrawl... during that time it was the time i caught up with some of the friends i only get to see that time a year... UGH.. sad sad sad... little heart breaking... then I read on my buddy marko's blog late last night about the passing of Lee (from ted and lee) ... wow... more flood of memories... the last few years i have had the pleasure or interpreting for them at the NYWC there is something awe inspiring about putting out through my hands and my body what they are doing on stage...he will for sure be missed---- more floods of memories.....
this week has just been one of those weeks.... one of my 'kids' from my days here in midland is graduating from college (today) -UT- .. then thursday night i spoke at a dinner for a group of my 'kids' from here who are fixin to graduate from high school- it was crazy...they were my first group of 6th graders here...so my first confirmation kids... lots of firsts with them.. it was a sweet night.... but it was so odd to see these boys that use to have these HIGH voices and cute little chub and fit under my chin...come in with these deep voices... tall and slender....and just monster over me..yet when we saw each other it was like they were 13 again....but instead of my hugs engulfing them....their hugs engulfed me... *gulp*... yeah .. deprogram....reprogram... guess you never really take that part out of you... i may not work in the church full time....but i will always be apart of what is happening in the lives of teens...
i thought i had finally adjusted to my alarm clock ringing at 6:30/6:45 but this week i got to start PT again for my back so i had to rise at 6 on M/W/and F ....UGH... sick sick sick joke...haha not sure i will ever truly enjoy the alarm clock... really honestly WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS thought work should start so early in the morning????? oh well... it allowed me to come back to midland ....and it has allowed me to chase my dream of starting a mission ministry...one step at a time... slowly i know it will happen... i totally believe that...
alright this is a long strange post..
all over the place....but that is what i get for a week of little to no sleep thanks to some hick ups of life! mercy...when it rains it pours .... what the heck? ...oh well Jesus is bigger than any problem...so no worries mon!
Blessings...walking in circles and dizzy....but thankful that He guides the steps!
Lizzy

did you know secular music = singleness?

2007-04-26T23:06:00.000-05:00

yup neither did i! but hahah guess what i learned....
i was recently engaged in a conversation with someone of an 'older' generation and to be kind WAY more conservative religious view point than i... and we were just chatin when the subject of music came up... because of my past 'vocation' (you know youth pastor) this person was aghast- shocked- maybe even horrified to find that i listened to secular music. i mean some secular music was okay- like WAY oldies (and i could even agree that i liked oldies but not for reasons they gave) and classical music... other than that all other music should be religious biased ..and best would be be with out instruments.. (okay so you can guess what brand church they go too) so on they go and out comes the best comment I have heard to date for my singleness-- yes ladies and gents... singleness is not a sickness as reported in the past... but instead it is caused by listening to secular music...you see if i would just give up my country tunes... my 80's mixes... my other not christian tunes... well then God would forgive me of all my ills and WOW He would provide my missing spouse.. HUMMMM
It was all i could do not to laugh..i mean yes i agree that we can over do things. i believe that trash in- trash out. i am careful about what i do listen to. but yes, i do like secular music...but i also love christian music...with instruments! i don't' think that because i listen to secular music i am single.. i mean come on... if that were the case most of my Christian Friends would be single. i just believe that God is waiting for the right man..right time..do i wish He would hurry up sometimes? sure.. but other times i am okay with being single... i am in no hurry just to settle.. besides i am not sure that many men could have handled being married to youth pastor liz with the 70-90 hour work weeks that i did with out even blinking an eye.. so with that ..i'm keeping my tunes..and keeping my faith ..i'm loving Jesus.. and when and if the time is right... he will take care of it all! He will drop mr. right down in front of me with yellow roses and a green bow and all will be good! ... but until then...i gonna rock on... and DANCE through this journey we call life..hey you can't dance without music!
so dance on sistas and brothas dance on to the music of your hearts!
dancing the night away,
lizzy

the deprograming and reprograming of lizzy...

2007-04-26T22:53:00.000-05:00

well a huge shift of life ... no longer do i spend my days behind a desk at a church but now in a "corporate" office. i am only a few days into my 'new life' (whatever that is to mean) and things are going fine...yest VERY slow! gone are my LONG work days but HERE are my early mornings. UGH! i will admit i always enjoyed the freedom of 'unset' hours- but now i fund myself setting an alarm each evening to mark my rising hours- and WOW are they early. yet gone are the days of evening meetings and late night stuff- my day ents as promptly as it begins- a schedule- what the heck is that? Truly it will take some time to get use too- my body will adjust- RIGHT? can i change my internal clock that believes you can't sleep before 1am and rise before 9am? i mean i can force the wake up...but i can't force the sleep. CRAZY! okay to be fair i have done this before- but it has been a good 13 years! back in the days when i was working for the schools with my deaf students.. but i just am not a morning person.
beyond the shift of schedule is the shift of mindset....i will miss my students... bust not sure i will miss the politics of church work.... you expect it outside the church..but it is always hard inside the church. i look forward to forging new paths and seeing what God lays before me. especially with the mission ministry that he has laid on my heart all these years ago. finally now that i am not working 70-90 hours a week i will have some time to focus in on what it is He is calling me to do.... what it is He wants this to be...CRAZY ...but exciting... He is so big...we are so small... this journey is amazing ...as crazy as it is and as dizzy as we get it is worth each step!
so on with the de/re programing of lizzy!

truly amazing!

2007-03-01T19:57:00.000-06:00

i went to see a movie Tuesday night that shook me... a movie that stayed with me into my sleep... all night...i couldn't escape it... i was there inside the movie...really not just the movie but the whole history of what the movie is about....
see long before this movie was made i have known the story because of the years of mission work i have done in the stop hold...i have fallen in love with the area and the people...come to care about the culture so i started researching it years ago to learn all i could not just about who they are now...but where they came from...what their story really is...i had seen a movie years ago...that one haunted me too...it kept me awake at night and tormented my dreams when i did sleep ... that movie...Amistad... and this one? Amazing Grace
both movies speak about the horror that we (yes i do mean we)inflicted on people who we saw as lower- that we cast out and counted and nothing- less than- we claimed them as property- as something that could be bought, traded, beaten, and discarded. we treat them as people- as humans- but as objects...
Jamaica a land- a island... a place i have come to love because of the 11 years of mission work i have done there.. is there because it was a stop-hold for the slave ships... it was a place we.. and others used to sort though the 'good' and the 'bad' ...if you have ever been it is a beautiful place..and i am not talking the resorts- because those are not beautiful- in fact they are a picture of modern day slavery and injustice... not one is owned by the Jamaica's... it is sad...
...
but the movie... amazing grace... wow... it is awe inspiring... one of the best done movies i have seen in a long time! to watch the story of john newton unfold before you.. to hear his tales... to see the pain... to hear the conviction to FIGHT in Wilberforce... I only HOPE i can be that strong in what i believe... when he stands... or sits listening to the still small voice of God speaking calling him to speak on behalf of those who can not speak for themselves...that is inspiring...inspiring today...

God speaks... God asks us to speak for those who do not have a voice... what are you doing? ... i know i am not doing enough and need to do more... i am moved and inspired not just by a movie of things in the past...but by some amazing young men- and now a whole stinking movement Invisible Children and how so many are speaking for so many with out voices... i am inspired by a young man Zach Hunter and what he is doing at only 15 (and he started at 12!- so don't use your age as an excuse!)... what are you doing? what are you going to do? Slavery is real today...in fact more real today than all those years ago... stand up and get a voice! ...you can even link up with the movie at the Amazing Change site.. do it! do something- you have a voice... use it.... oh an if you haven't see the movie... see it.. educate your mind and your heart!

walking with purpose!
lizzy

tis me...well weeme...

2007-02-05T13:33:00.000-06:00

yup sounds odd...but tis true...tis me...so here goes it!
yeah... followed the clan from marko's blog.. so enjoy!

what is up with death?

2007-01-30T17:08:00.000-06:00

so it has just been one of those weeks...tomorrow will mark exactly a week that my phone rang and the news came...you know 'the news' ..news that no one likes getting... i knew that it wasn't good the moment my dads voice was on my voice mail- you just know it in the 'tone' ... there is the sound that is there at that moment that is not there at any other time... like the time he called because he had just left the vet without the dog he swore he 'hated' .. yeah... he loved that dog.. or when he called to tell me his mom had finally won the fight and gone to dance again (she was bound to years in a wheelchair due to diabetes...i always loved that he said the words she had 'won' as he knew in his heart and in his pain she was no longer in her pain...) or the call i over heard last year on the news his brother had passed....it is that same tone his voice gets that was on my voice mail... so i put off calling him back.. for a few moments ... but only a few.. you can't change what the news will be.. you can only put it off for a moment..

the news? my grandma has take a turn for the 'worse' ... her body is 'shutting down'... it is 'wearing out' .. like a car wears out after it is driven too many miles... or a pair of shoes wears out after you walk to many miles ... or a shirt you love a lot and wear all the time wears out from too much love... her body is 'wearing out' ... or is it? not really.. it seems they think...or guess she might have cancer.. (UGH i'm pretty sick of that word..never have liked it...but it keeps coming up in my life these days) somewhere in her body that is complicating her already sick body (she has had emphysema for almost 20 years) and it just can't take it any more...they don't know how much longer she will make it...it could be days...or months... (I laughed out loud...i did... oops!)

days or months...what is that... "hi i am death...and just wanted you to know you have days...or well you have months..." i guess in reality we all have days...or months... or years.... as not one of us knows...but this seemed so odd to me- to get that call ...with that tone in the voice... and to be told... days or months... we just don't know.. but this is what we do know.....
she has lived....she has experienced... she has celebrated....she has loved...

i was pretty numb wednesday- biblestudy with the kids was kinda a wash that night- we spent time just laughing they did their best to keep my mind off what was before me. I went home that night and just sat on the edge of my bed for the longest time and thought.. about nothing and everything... i had a lot of conversations with everyone and no one... it was crazy... on my side table is a stack of books i am going to and am reading.. there as been this one sitting there since November that I have been meaning to read... but i keep putting it off... mostly because my life just seems to be full of 'stuff' that is too much right now.. and i was sure the book would be more of the same.. but i was drawn to it... but i couldn't pick it up...

thursday i stayed home from work.. i just couldn't do work .... but i finally picked up the book- i read all day thursday...in fact for 7 hours straight my first stint went- .... it was like the book was meant to be read right now...at this moment... i finished it in 2 days.. 21 hours of reading... little sleep in-between... it is the most real book i have read in a long time. if you haven't read it yet... you need to- the authors are to real... and raw....they share from their hearts...from their own stories of hurt and pain...from their own personal experience of death and sorrow.. and just when you think you can't breath...you find yourself laughing because it is written like only they can... with their strange yet amazing humor!... and it has some of the most amazing and interesting facts you could ever want...and somethings that will make you go.. 'huh?' ... and a lot of questions will be answered that you never knew you had... or maybe you did that you were afraid to ask... what about your soul?... where does this all fit into what was and what will be?... how do i explain this to others....and dang it how does this all relate to bluegrass?....okay so maybe you were not lucky enough to be raised on the sounds of bluegrass and country music... but for those of us who were the ties that binds ... they were great... so to the great authors Crowder and Hogan.. THANK YOU... and if you haven't yet... go out and get it... "Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven But Nobody Wants To Die" by David Crowder and Mike Hogan... it is worth every moment spent reading and even every tear shed... enjoy!

it just 'icing' on the cake...

2007-01-14T18:07:00.000-06:00

okay so it is a first....
it actually happened!
i never thought i would live to see the day that it did....
....but yes today, for the first time in my 33 (almost 34 years of life) ...
I actually work at ...and am a member of a church who was closed on Sunday.
Yes...you read that right! this morning at about 7:18 my cell phone rang to inform me that we would not be holding church services. i was shocked. i thought surly i was hearing things wrong. i mean come on...i grew up in wyoming and i don't ever remember our church being closed (i mean i remember a few sundays when hardly anyone was there and i wondered why we had braved the snow covered...ice slicked roads..but we were there and the doors open) ....and when i lived in Winter Park, Florida and we had our first (of what would be 3 direct hurricane hits) we didn't close our doors once (still not sure i agreed with the first one- i didn't make it to church that sunday due to the fact the family i was with had HUGE trees in their yard and i had just surrivived one of the scarriest nights of my life...my Pastor was not so happy with me...but he was rarely happy with me...I loved Jesus too much and didn't believe in kissin the butt of deep pockets- but i digress) ....but today i recieved the phone call that shocked me... yes we were closing our doors. NOW let me go on record... lots of churches closed their doors- all over- it is a little thing called....ICE... and it is interupting life as we know it in central texas.... for me it is baffeling- in Wyoming this wouldn't scare off a first grader trying to learn how to ride their new bike..but let me tell you as some one who learned to drive on streets of snow and ice..even i don't like sharing the road with texas drivers on icey roads....so i took the news in stride.... turned off the alarm...and went back to bed....ahhhh zzzzz land... woke late had some breakfast.. read a little and just enjoyed my day. but 2 days in my little house that has more holes than walls is too much....so here i am at the before mentioned closed church.... sitting in my nice warm office....feeling a little guilty for leaving my dogs to fend for themselves in my cold house.....i have a space heater in the bathroom and bedroom- but well i don't trust them alone with them on... but they have built in fur coats right? oh well...for now i am gonna go brave walmart..hahaha bout the only time you can go...no one will be there...they are too scared to come out in this ice stuff! THANK YOU MR. ICE STORM! .... i hate my cold cold house...but i love an empty walmart!!!!!!!!!

5 things you don't know.....

2007-01-06T23:36:00.000-06:00

okay so this is OLD and long time coming my good buddy ...heck i would call her a best friend (do you still have best friends in your 30's....sure you do) mindi tagged me (is that what you call it?- ugh i am so lame!) so here goes... 5 things you don't know about me....
1. SHOES! as much as i brag that i am not your typical girl... that i don't like to shop or spend HOURS getting ready--- i really really can't stand my friends who spend hours upon hours getting ready to go somewhere .... i do have a LOVE for shoes... but... and this is a BIG BUT i will go on the record saying my shoe collection is NOT full of spiky heels and pointed toed insaned things that people (girls) claim to call shoes...and some (like my afore mentioned buddy above) LIE and say "i know they don't look like it---- but really these 90" extreme elf-pointed toed jimmi-choos are comfortable" WHATEVER! ...so anyway here is my count- yes it is a sickness and i will go i record- i did downsize in my last move:
Birkenstocks-17 pair (i only paid full price for 1 pair (my first pair) all others have come from an outlet....which make them so affordable... or as gifts...still it does make me a little sick-i use to own 27 pair..i donated 10 pair in my last move) Chocos- 3 pair- Crocs- 5 pair- in 5 fun colors of course, 3 pair of cowboy boots- 2 pair lace up ropers, 1 pair custom boots that i got as a high school grad gift in 1991 (see good shoes last people!) one pair of Italian shoes that my students call my 'bowling shoes' umm no... too good to bowl in... but so fun... don't wear them enough.. a few pair tennis shoes...fun ones...not like lets to go the gym...but these are stylin' and then 1 lets go to the gym and do some damage... and well then i have 5 or 6 pair of flip flops.... i think that may be all... man i hope so...this list is making me sick... YIKES... and to think this is down size...
2.I'm a deep thinker/analytical/have the gift of discernment: yeah yeah yeah... call it what you want... this surprises lots of people but i am a thinker.. i spend lots of think thinking about things- people -situations-things i can change- things i can't- things God has put on my heart- things He wants me to be a part of... see my strongest spiritual gift is this thing called Discernment- which many people when they give me the quick once over would never guess that- but it is there...and i try to be really faithful with it... but another friend of mine Greg, she also has the Spiritual gift of Discernment...and if you have this gift you understand...it is tough sometimes... it is one of those spiritual gifts that you at times want to throw your hands up in the air look up and go "seriously?".... i mean i don't...but there are time... wow... but i am a deep thinker... people just don't get me the credit... i think it's the hair... or maybe it's the tattoos...or both? or maybe it's the job?????
3.Speaking of Tattoos...some of my friends that read this will not like number 3....sorry... but okay for some of you you are also gonna say duh and say that number 3 doesn't count... i told you that this is hard... okay so i want to get a few more tattoos.. i know i know... some of you are rolling your eyes saying NO, DON'T, you can't....blah blah blah we can debate this later...but here are the 3 i really want to get... don't know if i ever will...on my left wrist under my watch band (so really just for me) i want to get a tattoo in Hebrew that reads "love the Lord with all your Heart, Soul, and Mind (from Duet) coming from where it says to inscribe it on your foreheads (don't want a tattoo on my forehead) and left hand. then i have a picture of my dad and i from when i was like 2 or 3 of us on the beach in cali it is us from behind walking in the surf. I would love to have that somewhere on me... with my dad's and my birth dates on it... and then a snowflake with a cross as the center with my mom's and my birthdates on it (mymom is a HUGE snowflake person) ... i am addicted to miami ink i record it every week so i don't miss it... i would KILL to have one done there i have even down loaded the application... now it is just coming up with the money and then getting accepted...well and filling out the application..i guess i never think i'll get picked anyway!
4.I always wanted to really be a Neo-Natal ICU Nurse: so from the time i was little blood, guts and the thrill of a hospital was my draw... one problem.. my brain! yup little issue called dyslexia and well an adversion to MATH thanks to the dyslexia and well that wasn't in the cards. I did the EMT deal and would love to go back and get the cert again as I LOVED riding in the ambulance and working the er...even just for weekend call and such....man! i don't know if it was all the time i spent in the hospital as a child or what...but i never freak out in those situations... never have.. you can have blood and guts every where and i am calm and in control- yet put me in a room with a bunch of over educated adults and tell me to explain how to make a a paper airplane and well i am not a happy camper... it always cracks me up to hear my friend Janice talk about a road trip i made with her one day to pick up her grand kids- we happened up on a really bad accident and i just went into action doin my thing- she was so amazed that i knew what to do..it was old hat for me...i love when old things we have done in the past come back and God can use it to bless someone... it was very useful that day for that girl...
5. I dream big, often, and believe!:so i can't so i always say that i know i had great parents..because like most teens i went though stages where i thought they were bad...horrid...awful...whatever...but i really did have amazing parents... WHY? because they taught me to dream...and to dream big... not only that they taught me to believe in my dreams..because my dreams were placed there by God and God alone...and in every dream was a possibility and in every possibility an adventure and in every adventure a new experience and in that experience growth from that growth would come wisdom and from wisdom would come knowledge and from knowledge would come grace.....see how this goes... I WAS and AM BLESSED! i still remember my 2nd grade teacher mrs smith calling my mom and telling her that i spent too much time 'imagining' things and they needed to teach me 'reality'- i'll never forget over hearing my mom telling her that children grow up too fast and my imagination was just beginning- that my dad and her couldn't wait to see what doors God opened up. that night my dad as he tucked me in to bed with is nightly ritual of a bed time story, a bible story, a kiss on the forehead, nose, and chin his 'you are the prettiest princess in all the world in both your Father's eyes' turned on my night light 'may the Son rise to greet you in the morning' turn off my big light looked at me and said something along the lines of 'hey mago tonight dream extra big- God's got big possibilities for you- no matter what teachers or other big people tell you- you are special- let those dreams get as big as He wants them to be- they are just possibilities waiting to happen.' ..... so I still dream big... and right now... my biggest dream? is simple really... "Mission Dreams" ... a new look on how we do short term missions- really it isn't a new look it is going back and refocusing and revisioning how we are approaching short-term missions- how that gonna work? don't know yet... it's just a dream...but here is the amazingly cool part..it is not my dream...it is God's...He put it there! Dream with me....and PRAY!

who is Jesus for you?...

2007-01-06T22:56:00.000-06:00

okay so umm disclaimer... these are my notes from the sermon on 24 december 2006 that i promised from my last post- so take note these are MY notes. meaning a. this is what my brain took in b. this is MY brain we are talking about c. you get my filters d. i may have missed a lot- i can be a little ADD e. i may have added something-often when someone is preaching i will have a thought and go off on something- i will try to say if it is my own thought (if i can remember or not) ... lastly- you can so go to www.stonegatefellowship.com and get their podcast or just listen to this message- it is so worth it- their Pastor- Patrick Payton is a great communicator... okay onto the message:

~Who is Jesus for you? during the Holidays and always?
~What are you doing, or are you going to do with who Jesus is this Christmas season?
~Is He just your Holiday Savor?
3 questions to really think about

What kind of Jesus do you worship/have in your life?
1. Holiday Jesus: you take him out when it's 'okay' (you might be a 'Christer') he's just always 'baby Jesus' - Get with it Jesus is REAL AND POWERFUL--- or is he just a plastic figure you put up in your yard or a cute little figure in your nativity at home?
2. Football Jesus: You find someone to hand him off too when he gets to be too much- the responsibility is more than you signed up for- or just isn't so 'cool'
3. LasVegas Jesus: You want something for nothing! You give him a token buck or ten of your life but you want the million dollar pay off- or the "what happens in church stays in church" I show up and do my part, but don't expect my outside life and church life to collide. - think about it: can you buy and manipulate God? God knows your heart!
4. Social Jesus: not too much, not all the time, not too loud, don't want to really 'hear him' you want him to be 'just like you' drive the same car, dress the same, etc. FACT: He is NOT just like us: He asks us to be like him. 'Be Holy as I am Holy...'
Our Hope and our Goal~ but be careful--- do a gut check should be that:
Jesus is King- Ruler- Lord- Master of my life... (lizzy can you say this? in all areas...loudly? boldly? what areas are maybe dull? what areas do you not feel that you can boldly proclaim? you can't proclaim it in only part of your life...it is an all or nothing deal... that is the problem so many times people want to say okay but only in part a and c of my life the rest is mine... i want to make sure i can say it and say it boldly in all parts of my life where am i not saying it boldly and best? how can i change that? ... ask Him to show you and don't wait...)
"I've come that you may have life ....." "you must lose your life..." "take up your cross...."
FACT= You can't have Christmas without Easter... or think about it...Christmas would be pretty meaningless really... okay...so you would have the virgin birth but that about it...another birthday that for some odd reason lots and lots of people celebrate for years after the person passes... think about that for a few and then it hits you...more pastors need to clue into this on Christmas i think...that my humble opinion... okay back to Patrick's message
From the cradle to the cross (oops that is mine too) with out the crucifixion we are fools (understatement) we are just a bunch of people who celebrate something that happens every day (birth) so....is he REALLY your KING? is he King of your speech? Money? Job Change? thoughts? Actions? are you following the small voice that speaks to your heart and soul?
is He your King? Yes? What does that look like???
well?????
let me know would love to talk about it some!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CHRISTmas message i always wanted....

2007-01-06T22:18:00.000-06:00

so i have been putting off posting this... trying to figure out how to put this in words and realized it wasn't gonna happen till i just sat down and did it! so here it goes:
okay so this year was kinda a strange Christmas for me- first time to not be with family- and for being 33- it is kinda odd- okay no lie- it was ROUGH- and to be really honest- i mean why lie now- i wasn't really looking forward to Christmas eve services. i mean lets get real.
you go to church on Christmas eve and you get these feel good baby Jesus messages, light candles, sing songs, go home, go to sleep, get up and open way too many gifts- really we have things a little- okay A LOT messed up.
so this year being what it was, i was really not so hip on going to hear a ho humm happy go lucky message- now i will say that i was expecting a pretty good sermon from the church i was going to in the morning as the i really like and respect the pastor at the church- but i wasn't sure how much he would 'bring it' being that it was Christmas morning at all and they were not doing Christmas eve services- just morning services (which can i go on record and say AMEN! why do it twice in one day if you are gonna do it right the first time...and they did btw..more on that in a min) so i get up and go to meet my friends at church....
it was tougher than i thought to be at church- didn't help that i was sitting between two of the sweetest people in the world (frances and charlie) and when the singing started up he sounded just like my dad- a little off key (sorry charlie... love ya baby) but sang with heart and JOY! so i got a little teary... but pulled myself together...music over- pastor comes up to give the message- i get my bible out and my journal ready to take some notes- thinking 'will i have something to really 'chew on' this week?' - and this pastor gives the CHRISTmas sermon i have been wanting for years. in fact it was a message i have said in some ways to people before- i am sure some people sat there a tad bit uncomfortable- it is okay- sometimes we are spose to be uncomfortable at church. I was once told if you are too comfortable at church you must be asleep or at the wrong church- but i digress- so this message-- it was amazing- it was not your feel good lets get baby Jesus out and put him in the manger...NOPE! it was the yup it's Christmas- but what are you gonna do with this gift from now on... because reality is with out the resurrection- Christmas really wasn't that exciting... you HAVE to have the whole story... WOW... i will blog more about his message in my next post...but i want to give you a little contrast...so in the morning i get this AMAZING message-- then that night I go to church with the family i am staying with for the 6pm service and what do we get? a pastor who prays we find Manger power (i still haven't figured that out yet--- what the HECK is manger power? is it like what Superman has when he can stop a moving train? but it is holy? don't get that...is it something you can wrap and put under a tree for your unsaved friends? cause that is kinda what it sounded like...CRAZY) and then made the statement that the Trinity teaches us that we need to be in community as God himself was lonely as he created 3 of himself.. I sat their confused ... thinking surly i misunderstood him- so i waited for church to be out- and asked the college aged daughter of the family i was with if i wrote down the quote right. she said she heard the same thing. I still hope I am wrong- if not- that is some confusing theology- ahh GRRR welcome to some crazy preaching... so more on the great message in the next post

a christmas meme? whatever that is...

2006-12-28T13:02:00.000-06:00

okay so someone sent me this in a 'tag' which i am still confused about...and i am kinda tardy...but it isn't new year's yet so i figure i still have time! so here it gos....
the Christmas meme:
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Chai please as egg nog is gross and I am allergic to chocolate
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Santa wraps…but Santa still comes…so life is good!
3. Colored Light on Tree/House or White? white on tree…don’t care on the house
4. Do you hang mistletoe? no reason to
5. When do you put your decorations up? haven’t put them up the last few years…for various reasons
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? prime rib with Yorkshire pudding…. if not with my family then sweet potatoes
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? my green push peddle frog car that I got when I was 5. I grew up in Cheyenne, Wyoming- so I spent the first 3 months of ownership driving it in my basement- but man was it awesome. I think I even ate Christmas dinner sitting in that thing- would have slept in it had they let me.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? truth about Santa? you mean that he is a really busy man on Christmas eve and so we have to leave cookies and lactose free milk out for him? yep got that memo!
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yep- Jammies! and they always match my siblings
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? with special-ness of course….how else?
11. Snow. Love it or dread it? hate it----well kind of…just cause it caused me not to get to see the fam this year…stupid closure or DIA for 3 days! GRRR
12. Can you ice skate? heck no
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? see #7
14. What’s the most important thing about Christmas to you? Celebrating the birth of our Savior…spending time with family and friends….blessing people for no reason with out getting caught
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Snickerdoodles
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? tomato rice soup and cheese rolls on Christmas eve before going to Christmas eve service…or our 8 hour hearts or Mexican-train playing on Christmas day as a family
17. What tops your tree? a star
18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving.
19. What is your favorite Christmas song? umm if I can only pick one- O Holy Night
20. Candy Canes. Yuck or Yum? Yummy- but only in SMALL amounts!

please pray....

2006-12-26T20:09:00.000-06:00

today i recieved one of those phone calls that you never want to get. my dear friend Bud (pictured here with his grandson j.p. in august) found out on december 21st that he had a brain tumor- he had surgery today- it went well- but the news is not so great- it is cancer and it is gonna be tough- i don't have all the details yet- but that is of little importance anyway- i just wanted to ask you all to pray: pray for his recovery from surgery, for wisdom of his doctors from this point forward on which direction to go, for his wife Cozy, daughters Brandy and Toni (their husbands Pete and Travis) and for grandson J.P. (he is too little to understand what is going on-just that gpa-bud is not up playing) ... the road ahead will be a long and tough one...but with prayer it will be one that will be more managable....
thank you.....
for His renown alone!
lizzy

somethings just don't go as you plan....

2006-12-22T12:14:00.000-06:00

so some of yall dream of a white christmas? well maybe you dreamed too much! so much so that it snowed and snowed and snowed in colorado and wyoming to the point that denver international airport was closed for 2.5 days.... so what some of you say...so what means that some 5600 people were stranded at DIA.... so what means that flights all across the US were all messed up... and so what means that for the first time in 33 years i will not be spending christmas with my family....it is crazy. ya know it would be a tad different if it were my choice. it would be a tad different if say i were on a mission trip serving others doing something of meaning- but nope it is just that i can't get to them....well i could--- you see southwest could get me rescheduled onto a flight on the 28th that would get me to denver on the 28th at 7pm which would get me to my parents at 9pm that night and my sister and dad have to leave for denver on the 30th as they have to be at dia on the 31st at 430am for a 615am flight...so you see...in reality...it really isn't worth the flight to see them for a day... grr all that white christmas....infact as i am typing this right now....on the radio that song is playing- i have never ever wanted to throw a radio across a room until now....... but no i shall resist...
so what shall i do?
i am back in midland... i am blessed...i do admit that - am not like so many people who don't have people to spend the holidays with- i have amazing friends who are more like family then many people who have family they wish they didn't have. so i am in midland with my second family- my God family- as we use to call ourselves when i lived here- I will make the best of it...and maybe this is what God wanted for me--- maybe there is something that is spose to happen- maybe there is a blessing here that I don't know- but there is a sadness too of not being with my dad right now that is tough as well... so for all of you that are with your famlies...enjoy it... love them and love them well... don't fight over the stupid stuff and love even the yucky hand made shirt that don't fit...because there are many people who can't be with family- our men and women who are fighting for our freedom and the freedom of others.... people who have no family left- or whos family don't want them or don't understand or claim them... their are people who are not free to celebrate this wonderful day of the birth of our Saviour we get to celerate... wherever you are... whoever you are with- REJOICE and GIVE THANKS...

okay... with that... i am off to find my happy place...
be blessed and bless someone for no reason but to bless!
lizzy

join me in a journey in africa and PRAY!

2006-12-22T11:59:00.000-06:00

my friends vernon, amber and titus burger are in sudan, africa where they will be in ministry until january 13. they have an amazing ministry in sudan to orphans and widows and those living in the villages and even out in the bush. they are joined this season by a small team as well. you can read about their amazing journey and hear about more specific ways to pray by visiting their blog at www.sudanskids.blogspot.com please join me and others in praying for them and with them for the orphans and widows in sudan and for the many people they will meet during their journey in sudan this season. their ministry is a unique and amazing ministry- and they are truly anointed and blessed to be apart of this ministry. won't you join me and others in praying for them? check out their journey...join their journey- PRAY!
as always be blessed to bless
and enjoy the journey in africa
lizzy

blessings come from the strangest places...aka...a view from the interpreters platform day 3 pt.2

2006-11-18T23:02:00.000-06:00

so blessings truly come from the strangest places at the oddest times sometimes. today we took a few moments to go through the exhibit hall. if i am honest i usually avoid it--- so often i feel asulted when i go in there- you walk passed a booth and 5 people jump out and start talking to you all at once or you are walking by and things are shoved at you.... i am a simple shopper--- always have been. i like to look- i look 2 or 3 times then if i want to try something on i will- and to top things off i don't like large crowds in small spaces- so it is kinda a hard mix for me..... but today it was different because it wasn't for me..i was there for me- so in we go... we went to look for media presentation options- we stopped at media shout- it took awhile for anyone to talk with us (that was kind of surprising) but finally they did.... we looked at the program and asked the questions that needed to be asked and headed over to check out easy worship- it was time for their give-away of the day so we got tickets and waited though all that then vchurches was doing their deal...it was MADHOUSE...that was one of the things that drives me nuts....i will live without a ipod seriously....YIKES...so Judd gives up on the give-aways and goes back to easy worship to talk to them about the program to ask some questions. we wait to talk to this guy and ask the questions that he had. anyway- it was what was spose to be as Judd and his ministry with Deaf teens was richly blessed today by Easy Worship- when the guy heard about the ministry of Deaf Teen Quest and Judds ministry he wanted to bless the ministry with the program. it was truly a great gift for Judd and the ministry- and it was awesome to be there...that was worth the journey into the crazy world of the exhibit hall.....Thanks Easy Worship!!!!!!!!!

so tonight we had a break from interpreting so i sat in the green room and just soaked in worship and the message- it was nice just to sit and listen and take things in. starfield was truly amazing- wow. their sound is great- but their lyrics are truely anointed by God... they are so rich and full- beautiful. Mike Pilavachi gave the message tonight- he is amazing. I was transformed by his message 2 years ago in atlanta when he spoke. i was in such a dark place with my church at the time. they had told me right before i had left for the convention that the pastor might have it out for me...so i was in a desert place- felt like shattered glass that can't be put together again. his message that year was about being in the desert and finding water again....for me it was realizing that my shatterd glass self is shatterd sea glass--- ya know tumbled smooth in the water of the sea...or the water of his hands...anyway...i have held onto that message since then....i recall it often... so i was looking forward to tonight so much. ...tonight to no surprise he met me again right where i am- again i find myself in a place that is at times uncomfortable- and sticky. a place that is not exactly how i would like it. but God has me where he has me for a reason for a season and he will lead and let me know when and how. I am called to trust.....and if i get too ahead and sure ...he will let me know...it is called HUMILITY....Mike has this way of speaking softly and beautifuly over you that you dont' soon forget...it is amazing.

with that my brain is over full.... my body is tired...my arms are so weak they want to fall off and my left ear is STILL ringing from TFK....ugh.... but can we just say....what a day....what a day to stand with 4,000 other youth pastors....4,000 Jesus lovers just lovin him back....

walking with arms outstreached...
lizzy

views from the interpreter platform pt3....halfway through day 3...right?

2006-11-18T14:43:00.000-06:00

so no picture today because i am not on my computer...i am on a borrowed one right now but while i have 15 min to stop and just be i thought i would just stop....take a deep breath and collect my thoughts and share them with yall....

so brenda salter mcneil was the speaker this morning...and well to simply sum things up...she brought it! oh yes...wow! She preached on Jer.1- on how we are losing our identity in God and that causes us to lose sight of ourselves- it was so right on. she shared a clip from 'the lion king' and how simba losing sight of his father is the same as us losing sight of God- our Father- that if we look- REALLY look inside ourselves we will find our Father- He is there inside us- why? because we are part of the Creator himself...it was a beautiful message- a beautiful way to connect two stories- wow...that is forsure a convention cd that i am going home with- AMAZING! This morning was also our last time with the guys from dc*b- it was as usual amazing- they bring such an energy and feel to worship that is amazing...our deaf friends have enjoyed it so much... i do look forward to our time with starfield as well- just this time and place to be and soak in is amazing- and hey KUDOS to alex, marko, tic and the crew of ys for being so awesome to work with ....the deaf with deaf teen quest have been so blessed this year....and are looking forward to a relationship growing over the years.

on a fun side off the platform- we met a guy Doug from indiana- hearing guy that has a heart for deaf teens- not cause he can sign or anything- but because he sees a need and sees that so few people are reaching out- i knows about deaf teen quest- so anyway long story short instead of eating lunch today i talked with doug about youth ministry, deaf youth ministry, passion and life...it was well worth not eating a real meal....besides who am i to complain when people don't get to have meals at all....so i will sit and talk over eating any day....especially when it is convos like that...
okay interpreter duties call...need to get set lists etc for general sessions.... the job never ends...but i love it.....

oh hey ask marko about the belly dancers...i have pictures that i will share later

walking to the road that leads somewhere ....need directions? humm
lizzy

NYWC day 2.....views from the interpreter platform....pt 2

2006-11-18T00:09:00.000-06:00

wow what a day. i am beyond tired. as i sit in my bed i dream only of crawling under the covers and falling asleep- yet i am at the point that i am so tired that my body is beyond the ablity to sleep....CRAZY...but yes it happens.
today was a FULL day- beyond what you would expect- okay maybe not. we had 2 gs- phil visher from veggie world past was in the first gs with us- amazing! talk about a humble and gifted spirit. his message was very full of grace and mercy- had this underlining of forgivness- beautiful really. of course we had some fun stuff in gs1 as well- jared hall- great stuff- fun to watch...and tic, marko and jeanne (the new kid on the block) did a great job setting up the week...well the conference for us.... thousand foot krutch was the 'mini concert' umm wow...'interesting' is really all i can say there- it was truly too hard to understand to interpret and my new deaf friends decided to leave so we bailed on that one- we couldn't understand it at all- CRAZY... but of course my FAVORITE moment personally was getting to interpret worship with the guys from dc*b- the music is such a connecting point for all of us- a way for all of us to be together as one- they did my favorite song to sign- 'you are my joy'...the way it goes from song to sign...the meaning behind the words...for me i get this feeling that just builds up inside me....and last year i had a great experince with one of the guys that is here again this year over this song- anyway- just the experince and opportunity to interpret worship- yet then marko pulls one on me and makes a coment on about watching me sign....it is one of those things...it is kind of uncomfortable to sign a coment about yourself...anyway...it was a anointed moment---- the worship time...

enter gs 2 donald miller...and i must make a confession- i have not always liked everything i have heard donald miller say- i have read his books- liked 80% of what i read- but sometimes get frustrated wondering if he realizes the impact he has on young adults/college students because of conversations i have had with some of my students...and some of the scewed ideas they have that they have gotten from donald miller.....yet after tonight.....he has gained so much more of my respect back....okay confession over......
so tonight...interpreter world got fun work out.....my interpreter friends got to sign for the horn guy...did yall see him before at NYWC? or hey americas got talent? yeah ...that was funny.... and well building 429... again intresting... ROCK AND ROLL baby! hahaha and then we got to meet Linda the 'fly in' which is always one of my favorite things- i love that YS takes time to hear stories and bring people here for conventions that wouldn't be here other wise...it is always fun to hear their stories... it was fun to see a video and get that connection-and well to hear stories of their ministry and life...but umm i think i could have lived with out the 'spin cycle' story...laundry will never be the same...humm
dc*b brought it again- hoe-down and all! woohoo! it was so fun and amazing. it was great to sign a song i grew up on....go wyoming! haha my dad would be so proud...if it wasn't so late i would call him....hahaha...
lastly...donalds message- WOW! i could listen to it a few more times there was so much to soak in. (and well interpreting takes so much out of you that my brain was about gone by then) he had some great things to say and to really think about. about where we have been and where we are going as the church...and our motive about why we are doing it....very amazing. i also really appreciated his honesty and being so real and raw. he wasn't ashamed....he didn't appologize for what he was saying.... he didnt' hide behind his message ...yet he also didn't get in the face and shove it either.... so much tonight i kept saying 'amen' ....'amen' ..... so okay.... i agree more than i thought....Thank you donald for a great message that i will spend more time with in the days to come....thank you for challenging me...

and with that my hands..my brain....and my eyes need to REST.....
off to ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
enjoy the journey
lizzy

day one (really 3) NYWC...a view from the interpreters platform

2006-11-16T13:03:00.000-06:00

so it is day one...of the madness that is the nywc...i love it....but have to admit i am already so drained! not a good way to start the convetion time off...but i have faith that i will be back to my super go go self soon. i arrived monday night to help begin set up tuesday as part of the vol team- this year i am heading up the interpreter team as cincy is serving as ys's 'Deaf friendly' convention. we have 3 deaf youth workers coming and i am stoked to be working with them and the other interpreters. chris and stacey are back this year as interpreters and judd who was here last year is back...it will be GREAT fun....we are not interpreting any CCC which i must admit with how i feel right now is SO okay with me.....for now i am just running around helping out where I can...getting set lists....checking lyrics to make sure we know what it is they are really saying....making sure rooms are set for the seminars that they will be in....working with the artists and speakers so they are comfortable with working with interpreters in their seminars and doing whatever else i can to make things run as smoothly as i can for the great folk at ys...i tell ya i have worked with a lot of organizations through the years and ys has really stepped up to the plate to make this a great experince not only for all the hearing youth workers fixin to converge (and who are and have converged) on cincy...but they have done an amazing job to make sure that the 3 Deaf youth workers coming have just as great as an experince as everyone else....hats off to ys...especially alex who has been working behind the sceens with me on this for the last few months...wow....ys cares....but we all knew that...okay....enough...back to work....i have taken my 15 min brake now.....the whip is being cracked :-) hahaha see yall in cincy....come down front and say hey to us!

enjoy the journey....and hey if you have extra socks...yeah i didn't pack any and my feet are FREEZING....DANG!
Be blessed
lizzy<><

One Word.....

2006-11-14T20:51:00.000-06:00

You can only use one word... Not as easy as you may think.
1. Yourself: Freak 2. Your girlfriend/boyfriend: imaginary? 3. Your hair?: funky 4. Your mother?: teacher 5. Your Father?: best-friend 6. Your Favorite Item: none
7. Your dream last night: painting 8. Your Favorite drink: chai 9. Your Dream Car: xtera 10. The Room You Are In: hotel
12. Your fear: dark
13. What you want to be in 10 years: willing
14. Who you hung out with last night?: joe
15. What You're Not?: famous 16. Muffins: scone?
17: One of Your Wish List Items: missions
18: Time: 9:50
19. The Last Thing You Did: email 20. What You Are Wearing: jammies 21. Your Favorite Weather: warm 22. Your Favorite Book: Starving Jesus
23. The Last Thing You Ate: Mexican
24. Your Life: insane
25. Your Mood: yeah…
26. Your body: pain 27. Who are you thinking about right now? students 29. What are you doing at the moment?: “House” 30. Your summer: interesting 31. Best part of your life: Jesus

fighting the let down....

2006-11-01T15:19:00.000-06:00

after a big weekend it always happens. never fail- the let down. slam! whap! smack! right in the face it hits. this past weekend was our last youth sunday of the year- and one of the best we have done. but it was also the one i put the most hours of work into as well. WOW- 67 hours from wednesday morning until saturday night- it was crazy- but so so worth it really. the students did an amazing job. the sanctuary looked amazing- i really believe we got the message across that i felt God wanted us to get across...now the question is did it sink in? did people listen not just with their ears but with their hearts? and if they listened with their hearts...what's next? because you see if they listened...i mean really listened things should start happening- rancid water should become a thing of the past.....but you see that is the challenge...the problem. so manytimes when the youth get up to lead worship people think it is just so 'cute' and 'precious' ....so did they really listen- because i can tell you the youth ...they got it...they understood the point of the message- we spent a month really unpacking and talking about what it was all about- time will only tell....so here is the question we asked...."what does your heart beat for?" what is it that God uniquly created you to do and what are you going to do about it? ....
with that...i am off to my prayer corner...gots a heavy heart right now
lizzy

stand up.....stand up for what you believe in....I believe in GOD!

2006-10-26T22:55:00.000-05:00

so it has been a wild week. and a week full of short sleep and crazy dreams. do you remember your dreams? i must say i am one of the lucky- or sometimes unlucky ones who remembers almost all my dreams. but this past week i have been having this same dream almosty every night. a little bit of it changes....but it is the same one.....and it sarts with this little cartoon sarting Veggies....HELP!
VeggieTales were first introduced to me when i started in full time youth ministry back in 1997 in walla walla, washington where they thought it would be fun to EVERY summer host Veggie Town VBS...don't get me wrong. the children of the church and commuinty loved it...but when you are part of the music team and told you get to dress as "larryboy" and lead singing well lets just say it was not my favorite moments of my day....but i will say i have always liked the videos....yes when i have had to watch the sameones over and over and over they got old...but i have always liked them all the same.....
so enter the story of Rack, Shack, and Benny....you know the real story right? hope so....if not...you know the King Neb? and the Golden idols he wanted everyone to bow down to? well this king had chocolate bunnies that everyone could eat and that you had to bow down to. well R,S,& B won't do it...so well into the fire they go...and you guess it they don't burn up....well enter my twisted brain...in my dream....i am all of a sudden in the veggie tale...yup ...me and all the animation...CRAZY....and it is me....my friend alex...and my friend vince...we are Rack, Shack, and Benny... but it isn't Bunnys we are asked to bow down to but this situation that i am dealing with right now.....and not a king but a pastor....CRAZY....so every night i am having this dream....and sometimes the friends change to other people....different friends...there to stand beside me to support me with what is happening....the strangest thing....is that who ever i am with we are all singing the CRAZY insane song that they sing in that show..in the Rack, Shack, and Benny episode..."stand up, stand up for what you believe in, believe in, I believe in God.....He's the one to back you up....." and on the song goes.....CRAZY.....
so here is my one wish....can i please have a NONVEGGIETALE night tonight? just one...it is starting to scare me.
so more on what happened later....just had to share the veggie tale crazy with ya
blessings and may you have a veggie tale dream tonight!
off to zzzzzzzzzland....
lizzy

be thou my vision and shooting stars

2006-10-12T18:16:00.000-05:00

"Be thou my vision o Lord of my heart. Naught be all else to me save that thou art. Thou my best thought by day or by night, waking or sleeping thy presence, my light.
Be thou my wisdom and thou my true word I ever with thee and thou with me Lord; Thou my great Father and I Thy true Son, Thou in my dwelling and I with thee one.
Riches I need not, nor man's empty praise. Thou mine inheritance, now and always; Thou, and Thou only, first in my heart. High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.
Be thou my vision o Lord of my heart. Naught be all else to me save that thou art. Thou my best thought by day or by night, waking or sleeping thy presence, my light.
High King of heaven, my victory won, may I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun; Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my vision, O Ruler of all."

monday night as i was driving home from austin so tired....on the verge of getting sick i was blaring the cd of a friends band -brayline- (check them out www.brayline.com) that he gave me at the convention. he wanted to know what i thought of it while i was there. so i gave it a few good listens- and it is good....really it is....i didn't just tell him that because he is my friend....it is good...quality really! so anyway- i was fighting the want to sleep....so i pop it in...turn it up...and listen....not just okay i am listening to this guy sing...but i found myself really listening to the music...the words...the cd only had one original (and it is AMAZING) so they are songs i know...and usually being a person who LOVES to sing- especially worship music...the fact that i was just listening and not singing along---it was odd---especially since i was fighting sleep....anyway...so here i am driving down this winding road....bad winding road- crazy really. I keep seeing deer and such on the side of the road and i find myself praying to God that he will keep them on the side of the road and not infront of me. well on i drive...and i am on this back road and it is really really dark...no lights anywhere and be thou my vision starts and my heart starts to pound in my chest- its strange really. i keep getting this urgencey- this need to pull over....but i keep thinking no push on you HAVE TO GET HOME...you are almost there...but my heart feels like it is going to pound out of my chest...it almost hurts yet doesn't i am tell you it is the oddest feeling i have ever had in a car. i can't tell you how many times i have sang be thou my vision- i love it...it is a great hymn- but for some reason on that streach of road monday night it was brand new. i hit repeat on my cd player and the song starts again and at this point my heart breaks and i begin to weep...it was so overwhelming....yes truly at this point i should have pulled over--hindsight lizzy...but on i drove...i am not sure at what point i started singing but i did...at first i remember looking in my back seat thinking someone was in the car and then realizing it was my voice (okay promise i am not losing it) that i was hearing- but just didn't sound like me...can't explain it. then this strange peace....you see God has planted this vision on my heart...it has been there for a while- and i am both scared and excited.....nervous and elated.....fearful and joyful....spastic and calm.....i don't remember doing it but i must have hit repeat again because the song started again and i was just driving calmly and looking out...asking God to make clear the vision...to lead the way and to allow me to FEAR AND JUMP at the same time...many people have seen the vision and told me they get it and support it with me....but i know many won't and the ones i fear won't the most is my family....but even then i pray for strength to keep walking out to the edge to jump allowing the breeze of Jesus to catch me. so as a was driving and praying and Brayline was singing the words of the song out of this dark almost starless night came one flash......a falling star......a leap of faith? a jump into the fear of unknown? trusting Jesus to be the breeze to hold up the vision that was cast in his sails? i find myself more dizzy than normal right now....how to be all here when wanting to be all there....
one foot in front of the other.....
babysteps
oh the journey of faith....i really want to talk to those who say it is dull.....they just don't get it do they ....hehehehe

be blessed...and look up....
lizzy

Austin NYWC and little sleep

2006-10-08T01:10:00.000-05:00

so what is it about the nywc and lack of sleep...oh yes....friends....gotta love getting hooked up with your friends you haven't seen in a LONG time and just getting to chat. this is my favorite time of the year.....now if i could just find a way to stock pile sleep....grr hehehe okay on that note...off to zzz land....more tomorrow....right i always say that...but i am gonna really try this time.
off to dizzy dream land...
lizzy

what can You, make of me?

2006-08-17T16:15:00.000-05:00

a friend of mine, matt neely, on his cd "stronger than gravity" has a song called "what can you make of me". it has always been a song that speaks right to my heart. i have used it in slide shows for mission trips, i have had sign choirs of youth and children sign it, i have used it in sermons and as background music for commuion.....but lately the song has been playing over and over in my heart at expected and unexpected times. it pops up with no warning...i will be sitting at my desk, driving down the street, watching tv, painting, laying in bed, taking a shower and the words will come spilling out.
sometimes the words bring a smile to my heart that makes its way to my face...other times the words bring tears to my eyes and leaves me wondering if i will ever truly know the answer to the question my soul is asking over and over and longing for an answer.
it is crazy at 33 truly i should know right? many times i joke with my students that Jesus died at 33, so i should get to retire at 33- but i have always said with in every joke is an ounce of truth- that truth? the fact that i am burned out, tired, emotionally and spiritually drained and don't know where to turn to get charged back up. i'm pased the point where some convention is going to 'fill me up'....it is much deeper then just needing time away and being with people who 'get it'....i am not sure i can see my own heart clearly anymore. so i find myself asking so many questions....
....who am i?....
....who have i become?....
....am i really worthy of the call placed on my heart?....
....is youth ministry truly that call still?....
....what is the bigger picture?....
....am i a failure because of what surrounds me?....
....can God really use me, a broken, twisted, used up, cracked, chipped, wasted, ugly vessel?....
....if my creativity is my biggest gift and it is the most stifled am i being true to my calling?....
....when is enough, enough?....
....am i worthy of his love and grace?....
....how long do you have to suffer before you are allowed to say done?....
....is it me?....
....God what can you make of me?....
tough questions....and i ain't got the answers...i just know matt's song keeps coming up again and again....usually makes me feel good...sometimes makes me cry....sometimes frustrates me...but more than anything it is my prayer to Jesus- what can you make of me? what do you want me to do....
for now i keep walking...but the circles seem really small and if you know anything about walking in small circles it makes you dizzy- UGH! i kinda over being dizzy right now:-)
enjoy the journey
lizzy
what can you make of me
you made sarah laugh, you david dance, made esther a beauty to hold the king in her hands.
you made simon a rock, and old laz live again, you took saul an enmy and made paul a friend. i've seen what you've made of them
what can you, make of me? what can you, make of me?
you made abraham trust and job lose it all, you made soloman so smart it caused him to fall. you made thomas believe and john write a book. you made a soldier alive by the life that he took. it's all right there in your book.
what can you, make of me? what can you, make of me?
they say it took dust and a rib to make adam and eve- well i don' t have much more, and i dare to believe that you are not finished with me.
still i want to know: what can you, make of me- i'm asking you Jesus. what can you, make of me? what can you, make of me? I want to know, tell me. what can you, make of me?
you gave handle the song, you made kingdom prevail, you gave martin luther a hammer and a nail, you made billy crusade, showed deitrech the cost, you emptied teresa to make room for the lost.
tell me what can you, make of me? I want to know. tell me what can you, make of me?

invisible neon signs....

2006-08-01T19:48:00.000-05:00

so today has been one of those days that when you tell someone about it they look at you in disbelief and say...'yeah right...that didn't really happen".....oh how i wish it were true. so really today began yesterday- yup one of those LONG days- i drove to houston on sunday and spent the night with some friends who recently moved there and then they brought me to the airport to catch my flight to spokane washington where i am off to the wedding of one of my former students from my first full time ministry in walla walla. well i get to the air port- check in to find out that they (frontier air lines) are having a HUGE mechanical issue and so i am going to really miss my flight (what does that mean? 'really miss your flight'? can you only kinda miss your flight?) so they tell me they have it all set up they will put me up in a hotel for the night in denver and i will be on an early morning flight to spokane...okay no big deal right- ah yeah.....so after all is said and done i don't get into denver until 11pm...and don't get to the marriot until almost midnight...i set up my wake up call and crawl into bed for the short 5 hours of sleep i would be getting.....well enter screwed up hotel issues....my wake up call never comes and i wake up 10 min before my flight is to leave the airport and the hotel is 25 min from the airport....after fighting with the hotel, getting ready and getting to the air port frontier does all they can....but what does that mean....a WHOLE DAY SITTING IN DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT! UGH! i arrived at 9:30 this morning and i will leave at 9:40 tonight.....tha tis a LONG time to sit in one airport- and to beat all it seems i have this invisible neon sign above my head that says "please come and talk to me about eveything in your life that could be ore is happening---i care and i want to listen." reality is i have been to the restroom a few times today and i can't find the sign anywhere- but the needy business man who just fought with his wife about the fact that he is staying in denver for a few extra days for some r&r after this leg of his buisness trip is over saw it....as did the woman who is not satisfied with her current job but the pay and perks are so good she can't give it up...besides she will be divorced soon and her boss will be too....no to mention my trip through security this morning where i get the wand and the pat down and they can't figure out what sent the machine off yet the guy with the 19 facial periceings goes right through.....give me a break....i could use a hot tub, a beverage and the heck out of DIA! oh who said flying was so much easier? i could have driven to washington state by now....UGH! what a day....and if one more person comes up and dumps their life story on me i may just scream and run in circles.....at least then i will see a different part of this airport....

Art

2006-05-25T15:13:00.000-05:00

I recently was given the true gift and opportunity to create an art piece for a friend of mine to represent her recent trip to Zambia, Africa.

anytime i create an art piece i work really hard to make sure the art represents the person it is being created for and is true to the original pictures.

for this piece i wanted the canvases to represent her journey- so i took 9 10"x10" canvases and laid them out as you see. they are connected going down- 3 canvases.

i took her pictures and laid them out and then when looking at them the words to the old hymn "rescue the perishing" came to mind....so those are the words that cover the art piece. you read canvas to canvas- left to right then down to next row.

i chose to use gold and silver paint to represent two precious metals that have to be refined by fire. just like God refines us by the fires of life. i know that this trip for her was a time of 'refining' of her heart...so i wanted the journey of the art to truly represent that.....this was one of my favorite pieces i have done to date. i will post my past art pieces soon.

twinkle-sparkle-zing

2006-05-05T15:24:00.000-05:00

There is this great little book that was published in 1991 and is no longer in print...it is AMAZING! "Mrs. Rosey Posey and the chocolate cherry treat" the book is about how you view yourself- the value you place on yourself and the VALUE that Jesus sees in each of us. the message is amazing- it was written for young children- but a great tool for youth ministry.

in the book mrs. rosey posey asks natalie olivia if she would rather be a used paper plate, a plain old dinner plate or a fine china plate.....what a great image to use with students.

so i have this friend who owns the book ( i have looked into getting it...but finding it used and the price of $52 has stoped me since the book sold for $3.99--- i may give in one day soon) and likes to present it to girls. so i had a 8th grade girls weekend (only 2 of my 8 came- but we charged ahead) and we spent the weekend talking about our identity- the worlds view on how we should live, look and be...the challenges that await in high school and who we want to become. we went to jane's house saturday night and enjoyed treats and the great story of mrs. rosey posey....now if i could just find the book somewhere and not have to sell a kidney to afford it....that would be amazing!

I (a meme) by Lizzy

2006-05-05T15:11:00.000-05:00

okay so i was 'tagged' by mindi to do this- it has taken me awhile cause i just don't get it...really i don't knwo how this whole tag deal works- am i lame or what...but here goes!

I AM: a youth pastor, artist, and sinner in need of God's love and grace
I WANT: to start a camp where youth ministries can learn how to do short term missions better and create a place where teens who don't have it good at home can come and live- my dream would be called "Possibilty Place"- where dreams and reality meet and grow
I WISH: i had the money to make Possiblity Place happen and the know hows to do it!
I HATE: to see people hurt- physically or emotionally
I LOVE: my job- working with teens, doing mission work, living for Jesus
I MISS: my friends! Especially: Greg, Mindi, Tori, Martha and Janice
I FEAR: bad storms- both those that happen in the sky (YIKES) and the bad storms of life that attack your soul.
I HEAR: the heart beat of a dream
I WONDER: if i am truly living passionatly for Jesus and following His call in my life
I REGRET: allowing a situation to destroy my identity- trusting people who don't deserve it
I AM NOT: a quitter- even though that would be easier at times
I DANCE: in my dreams- as often as i can
I SING: all the time
I CRY: for others pain and sorrow....and for broken hearts
I AM NOT ALWAYS: right.....who is...but i am willing and trying to learn
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: art that speaks of the AWE of Jesus
I WRITE: what is beating in my heart
I CONFUSE: lots!
I NEED: to allow my dreams to guide me- to not fear any more
I SHOULD: dream more and dream big
I START: many many projects
I FINISH: 1/2 of them...the ones that i am passionate about

i don't know who to tag....so join in if you want...heck does anyone even read this blog?

Flat Stanley Visits Texas!

2006-05-05T15:03:00.000-05:00

so yesterday in the mail i recieved a small package from a friend of mine in florida. i was a bit confused at first because it was her bday this week and if anything i should be sending her stuff.
so i get in my car to head to the office and in typical fashion i open my mail as i am driving down the road- YES I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE SAFEST THING TO DO!- so i pop open the package and out slides flat stanely- woo hoo i have company :-) haahaha.
to be honest i am excited about flat stanley- i love to help kids out with projects and how fun is this anyway. so yesterday flat stanely came with me to the high school for the yearly talent show. some of my students were taking part so it was even more fun. well at the close of the event one of the bands (with some of my students) played people out of the area- and flat stanely got to be part of the band for this number. here flat stanley plays the guitar with Maleko- Rock on Dude!

YIKES!

2006-04-21T15:40:00.000-05:00

SO....

Sometimes i wonder where all my time goes. what exactly have i done with my day? what have i really gotten done? reality is that on the days that i wonder this-- i usually feel like the picture attached...yup like a ...umm....DONKEY...standing in a field (i took this pic in mexico on a recent mission trip...maybe more on that later). there are 2 reasons i feel this way- 1. well because i realize i am a DONKEY as i have wasted my day and not accomplished anything great....or 2. because i am a DONKEY for doubting that i have accomplished anything--- because hello i got a lot done....but really lately i have felt like a DONKEY because i have this blog and haven't written a dang thing forever...i promise i am back...my ramblings are back....down with the DONKEY!

back to my walkin in a circle and painting

lizzy

why when my heart, head and soul are screaming NO! i open my mouth a yes comes out? (aka nywc gs2- Doug Fields)

2005-11-19T01:02:00.000-06:00

so general session 2- a little 4th ave jones (i like their sound but you just can't understand the words in this setting) with lots of energy and the cutest little dude with a fro-hawk.....ted and lee took us on a journey to the last supper (one of my favorite skits of theirs)....an awesome story of the glimpse of HOPE in the aftermath of hurricane katrina through the eyes of a youth pastor and his wife......
now enters doug fields-
i got the chance to hear him speak at the pitts convention and he gave the same message here- only difference this time was that i was able just to listen and take notes vs interpreting the message for someone else....
highlights from his talk: (little disclaimer-these notes come from his mouth into my strange mind out my hand onto paper...so in no way do i claim these are EXACT quotes! haha)
really after doug said this "We need to ask ourselves: How do i say no so i can slow down and hear God say yes?" he could have sat down and given us the rest of the 40 min to ask ourselves this question and just be still to listen to God....he didn't do that of course (and shared lots of great stuff that i will get to in a min but....) this question is on the front of my mind and one i am really ready to sit down and honestly answer and then find someone to help hold me accountable to what God says to me during that time....
we were challenged to learn from past...watch for warning lights....and to stay focused so we can avoid our own "train crash".....he talked to us about what he sees as the "heart-break" of youth ministry (the sickness of saying yes to everything because we are scared to say no and that not saying no trickels down to every part of our lives and leaves us feeling empty, sick and alone) his last main point was also one that i plan on holding onto and chewing on for a while..."Hurry is the enemy of depth- mile long yet an inch deep....we try to be everything to everybody and we end up nobody to everyone." pretty hard truth...yet truth....good stuff to think on....
other then that the convention is going great. when we shut down the registration area today we were over 90% checked in (awesome) and i was off to hang with some friends. i had the chance to attend the women in ministry dinner (odd to eat in rows and not tables...but oh well) and i will say what karla had to say was the most impactful to me- what an amazing example of love and grace-i love her 'realness'....
as usual it has been freaking awesome how God allows me to run into friends from the past.....come on ..... in a sea of 7500 faces that i could run into a ministry partner from my walla walla days and a friend from my high school days in the rocky mt. conference all in the same day are unbelievable....THANK YOU! what a gift of sweetness!
with that as it is coming on 130am i am off to find some zzzz's so i can do ole in the morning before gs3...so i will close with this
-Jesus-
thank you for the sweet embrace of your love and grace of this day. may our worship of you in this place as we talk with others....eat with others...make eye contact with a stranger....talk to those around us....pray....and sing our songs be as sweet to your heart as your love is to our souls.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

a sea of faces.....

2005-11-18T13:53:00.000-06:00

well today is offically day 2.....yet really day one of the nashville convention and i am pretty zapped...but in a good way.
sitting at registration checking in group after group.....or that one person that has come for the first time and just doesn't know what to look at first or which way to go and has that hazed over look in their eyes has been pretty amazing and lots of fun. .......yeah we have had our times of frustration- but look at the number of people here---and when you look at that- we have been running smooth!
it is amazing to watch the sea of people move around the area.....and the feel of the static of energy is sweet. i think back to my first nywc- wild kingdom atlanta- and i was that wide eyed person who couldn't believe everything that was before me. i walked around in a daze unsure which way to go and what seminar was best and how i could do everything (yeah reality set in on sunday and my body would not allow me to wake up- i slept through most of the day!- i now find one morning at each convention where i give myself 'permission' to sleep in and not attend something so that my body is rested so my soul can recieve)......
right now registration is on a 'semi-break' as people are in the first general session- Mark Yaconelli is speaking and crowder leading worship. I hope mark's message is the same one he gave in pittsburgh- pretty amazing message......
well back to work- for me- more people to check in!
my prayer today: Jesus cause me to stumble over those you want me to see today- and help me pause my heart to meet them and hear their story!

i promise.....

2005-11-17T23:56:00.000-06:00

okay so here is my 'i promise' for nywc nashvegas (great idea btw)

while at the nywc in nashvegas i promise to.....

1. take time to breathe in and breathe out........
2. rise each day giving thanks for the opportunity i have to be here when many in my same shoes can't afford to come- or can't get here....
3. pray for those i meet who Jesus has called me to 'stumble over'...
4. stop long enough to hear anothers story....and give thanks for the shared journey
5. to email my sr. pastor while i am here to thank him for making it possible to be here and for being such an encouraging and edifying partner in ministry
6. write postcards to all my students- active and inactive letting them know that even though i am away- they are here with me in my heart and more importantly in my prayers
7. look for ways to bless others without them knowing where it came from
8. share a hot meal with a homeless person who calls the streets of nashville home- not to 'shove the gospel' at them-but just to hear the story of a sister or brother in Christ and see them as He does- BELOVED
9. catch up with old friends- hug them- encourage them- and laugh with them
10. come to ALL general sessions with a open mind ready and willing- waiting for Jesus to speak to me.....especially through the speakers i don't think have anything to say because of a past thought....
11. enourage the ys staff and thank them for being one of the greatest blessings and encouragements in the lives of so many of us here.........
12. worship with abandon- not caring who is sitting in front- beside- behind me or leading the worship time....
13. give away all the 'fun free stuff' given to us to my students or other youth workers in my area who need to be blessed
14. play hard and laugh often
15. sleep and rest- not just play hard
16. celebrate in my joy and in my tears...you can't have a blessing without sorrow...and when sorrow comes a blessing is on its way!

Father- thank you for this gift....thank you for the promise of hope and the gift of mercy. Fill us....use us...break us...heal us. may we celebrate in our sameness and be blind to our differntness..........may we bless each other...those you bring across our paths....may we leave nashville changed and leave those who stay and greet the next group to arrive in this city blessed. In Jesus we CELEBRATE! amen

Why?

2005-11-16T23:44:00.000-06:00

today was the nametag day.... the day that we as the registration team sort through all the name tags and put them in the right envelope making sure all are where they are spose to be. as a usual loud and out and about person i walked in ready to talk to people.....but as i sat down to start sorting tags a question from one of my students came back to my mind...."lizzy- why do you go to these conventions- do they really do anything for you?" it wasn't a mean question- it was a question of a student who wanted to know why i would be leaving again for a week after going just a month ago to the "same" convention. we sat and talked about it....talked about for me what it means to be on the vol staff at a convention each year- a chance to give back and hopefully bless someone's life in some way during the week in some small way that i would never know happened.....and in pitts my vol job was so different since i spent the time interpreting...hanging with just a few people the whole time working to make sure they were getting the most and best out of the convention....and then i we talked about why i then feel the need to "come" to one....to "attend".... and i strangly found it hard to find words fitting to explain what it meant to me....i did my best.... and as we ended our conversation he looked at me...smiled....gave me a sweet little hug and said...."well enjoy 'attending'.....may your need be 'attended' and you come back ready to help us 'attend' church and life here." and woosh he was off...
so there i am today sorting tags...and this conversation came to my mind and i suddenly didn't really want to talk to those around me---i wanted to truly read each name on each tag and pray for Jesus to attend to them so they could return to help thier students attend their lives....kinda a sweet time for me today- it was amazing to look at the names of all these amazing men and women who walk the same road i do everyday....to take the quick few moments to lift each one to Jesus....the time here is sweet and amazing- just a great time of embracing and loving and being loved and embraced in return...a time of connecting and learning.....a time of worship and prayer....a time of craziness and laughter.....a time of just being.....a time of filling and preparing- and in the end you leave tired, full, ready, excited, overwhelmed, and unsure.....and you return home to the faces of students you love on every day--- or a student you haven't seen in a while---and it all comes together in this beautiful picture.....and because you feel so full you are so ready to pour it back out......so that was my prayer today- for the names i read and all the names read by the rest of the team- may we all come ready to allow Jesus to attend to us and return ready to help our students learn to attend to their lives by allowing Jesus to attend to their hearts............
Jesus meet us here..........attend to us and us to you!

ahh the joy of air travel

2005-11-15T23:18:00.000-06:00

so today was the day- i was up early (after a late night hanging with some old students) to hit the austin airport for my trip to nashvegas. so typical check in, get ready, load plane.....and wait....and wait....and wait....and ummm wait...until the airline attendant comes on to tell us that something is "up" in houston and we won't be taking off for at least an hour more likely 2....THANKFULLY they let us get off the plane and walk around- really i just wanted to find a corner and sleep but that was not gonna happen. so i read and listened to some sweet new music that i got last night from rob. we finally reborded and took off 2 hours late....got to houston to find that my connection was delayed over an hour...so it was again the whole hurry up to wait.....so finally get to nashvegas and head to my hotel-(word of warning to those of you who like hotels.com- my hotel is NOTHING like the picture and the info they gave...hummmm) and headed over to the convention center to see if i could be of any help....well yup....spent the next few hours catching up with friends and folding t-shirts (oh joy) and setting up store stuff....it is crazy to think that in a few days downtown nashvegas isn't gonna really know what hit them....can't wait!

Nashvegas baby!

2005-11-14T12:37:00.000-06:00

AHH yes tis the day...the day of the long waited road trip to Nashvegas- okay so i ain't driving all the way to Nash- but I am off here in a few hours to Austin (hook em!) and then fly out tomorrow for the NYWC- (can't wait- but MERCY what the heck is nashvegas gonna do with 9000 of us wacked-out, insane, youth workers?) ....but to be honest i am almost as excited about my time in Austin as i am about the convention- I get to spend some great (unfortunatly short) time with some former students who are students at UT. I can't wait! I haven't had much time with them since my return to Texas in June- saw them for about 24 hours while they were working at a camp- but that is it....so this will be some sweet sweet time! and well i LOVE Austin (NYWC 2007!) so that will be fun too...probably won't sleep much tonight- who cares....it will be great just to hang and chat it up...but i am stoked about the convention though- i was in pitts as a part of the vol team interpreting- but i am ready to go and soak it up for me this time....
so i is off to austin for some visitin and then nashvegas bound YEHAW!
see ya on the road!
Lizzy<><

....days that just won't end....

2005-10-31T22:08:00.000-06:00

i am sure you have had one....you know the day that just WON'T end? yep- having one now. but this day should be a great day- i didn't have to work. after over 100 hours of work last week alone on a movie for our youth sunday- i was given today off.
so my day started with a wake-up call from mother nature as a storm shook my house at 6:30am. so yeah finally was able to fall back asleep after the rumbles settled down a bit (not much it poured until noon- lightening and thunder attacking left and right). my day actually started with a visit to the chiropractor for a back injury that is a year and a half old and getting very OLD every day. today hurt...it hurt bad...but what hurt worse was to hear my chiro actually admit that he is not sure he can do anything to get rid of the pain...he is as stumped as i am as to why almost 2 years later i am still in so much pain....AHHH ...that is so freaking frustrating! he poked and popped some spots then did 'presure point' treatment that actually hurt so bad i couldn't help but cry...insane.
so after that fun event i was off to spend some time in fort worth-woo hoo- but that too was a bust- some cause i was not feeling so hot thanks to the chiro visit- and some because i went to get some new crocs and they were OUT of my size and color i wanted- nothing like not being able to buy some shoes to make you feel sour :-) then had to fight once again with best buy...long story- so not worth writing about- lets just say their "geek squad" that they boast about is not truly a squad of experts but people who dress badly and offer bad advice and pretend they know what they are talking about....also wanted to see 'in her shoes' and that didn't work out...so i just came home and called the day over...
so what is with today? some of it i know is dealing with feelings of things past and things that maynever be....some of it is knowing that there are people who are hurting today- who have lost a friend..a pastor...a father...a husband.. and that their are people out there who don't want to let them be and let them have their time-
you know sometimes life just sucks- today is one of those days- but the bright side of a bad day- is that tomorrow can't help but be better!
but really could today just end? i am gonna make a move in that direction and call it over- sleep come quickly!

NYWC reflections from the interpreting platform part 2....

2005-10-24T21:38:00.000-05:00

...so today i spent some time reflecting back on my week in pittsburgh- some with the excitement of the nashville convention being just 3 weeks away- and some just thinking about what i saw...what i did...and most importantly what i heard.....

so doug fields....i feel like i should write him a letter of appology- early on in my years of attending NYWC's i went to a few of his seminars- i got very frustrated while sitting in the class...i kept not wanting to hear one more thing about the different items he had created and we could buy...and from that point on i just never honestly gave him much time....but my views of him have been adjusted a tad!

enter general session #2: worship time was freaking amazing- crowder did "you are my joy" which is hands down my favorite song on their new cd- and i was interpreting at that time...but i digress from the point of this post- if you want to read more about an amazing experince that came with the song....go back a few posts and read "and God heals NWYC style" and you can hear all about it..it truly was awesome....but this post is not about that....

okay so general session 2- doug fields- i was not interpreting during the message- so i sat with my new friends and listened just incase something was missed by the person interpreting and we could feed them the info...so there i sat not so excited about message...mostly because i had this colored picture of doug- but WOW his message was truly amazing and rocked my mind a tad bit....it was like he had crawled into my mind read my thoughts and was speaking just to me (okay so many people i talked with felt the same way- seems us youth pastors share a lot in common) ... the whole 'my mind is saying no yet when i open my mouth the word yes jumps out'- i can't tell you how many times i sit and listen to someone asking me to do something and in my mind i am screaming 'you have got to be kidding- you truly can not believe that i have time on top of everything else i am doing here at the church to put it all on pause and help you out' to open my mouth and have the words 'sure i would be so glad to help you out- let me see what i can shift in my schedule to help you accomplish what you need to accomplish' .....no matter how many times i tell myself i am going to say no- i say yes....sometimes i feel obligated...sometimes i say yes in fear that saying no would be more of an issue then my lack of sleep....sometimes i say yes because business feels so much better then loniness...OUCH....that last one is a kicker...why sit at home alone with my pups if i can be doing something for everyone else.... but my inablity to say no clashes with the rest of my life....so doug asks the question- 'how many of you left cluttered offices? cluttered homes? cluttered cars?' okay so i was ready to make an excuse that i needed to use the restroom as i was feeling like everyone was looking at me....and i make eye contact with a friend who says 'wow....why do i feel like the only one here who's life is full of 'clutter' because i just go and go?' so i didn't run and hide...instead i sat there and thought about what he had said...i started running through my mind how i can start saying no....who i can have hold me accountable to saying no more.... now i will say i have done so much better since moving here to Stephenville- i actually have carved out time that i protect...and i have been doing better then i ever have before...but i need to do even better....i wear 3 hats at my new church and each one holds many other hats....just need to find ways to find a different balance in life now...and also find ways to say no for the protection of my soul....so umm thanks doug...and sorry about those neg thoughts! :-)

okay....off to zz land if i can defrost....we have hit our first COLD snap here in texas and i don't have my heaters lit yet....so instead i am sleeping under 7 blankets....ahahah the joy of living in the country in a OLD house!

be blessed!

NYWC reflections from the interpreting platform part 1.....

2005-10-19T23:14:00.000-05:00

so i must admit- interpreting for the convention is totally different from attending the convention- it is BETTER! yep- i have really really enjoyed being a part of the vol team the past few years- giving back to people who inspire me daily. but there was something totally different about being a part of the vol team as an interpreter. in the past i have spent my time at the HQ desk meeting people, hearing stories, handing out pounds of candy and helping people find their way...
this year was spent with a smaller group of people....and was more tiring then years past- there were times at night that my brain would completely be slushy by the time i crawled into bed at night....but during the event- i was all there....
we actually interpreted a critical concerns course- talk about alot of time with hands flying- wow...I spent my CC in the '3 story evangilism' course- it was a very good cc- even though i was interpreting i did get a lot out of it. not the same as getting to attend- but still it was pretty awesome. people in the class were very accepting and embracing to our deaf attendee- which is always a total plus. most of the stuff was pretty common sense but was a great review and some new insights. and a movie that i have enjoyed in the past but had lost sight of was brought back to mind as they showed a clip from it during the class...i will for sure be checking amistad out again soon.
from the cc we were off to the first gs- Mark Yaconelli gave an amazing talk- i couldn't help but think of a few people in my life that my thought would be 'yeah i would love to unaffirm them too'- if we are honest that is usually our first reaction when we are 'unaffirmed' by others- for me though his talk took me to a place where i wanted to find ways to forgive those that have unaffirmed me in my ministry. for my own hearts sake.... so his talk really got me thinking....and of course the david crowder *band did an amazing job of leading us to the very feet of our Savior. it was a great gs- and getting to interpret for dc*b was amazing- something about interpreting worship just brings me to a place in my heart that is closer to Jesus then anything. it was awesome....i will say though the experince of interpreting for the skit guys is pretty comical....stacey (the other interpreter) and i shared the prodical son skit interpreting- each taking on one character....which went well. but i was left to do the "welcome our new youth pastor" skit myself.....rap and all- it was pretty stinking crazy and funny....
more to come....reflecting time first :-) keep walking the journey has just begun!

...flying the friendly skies....sometimes too friendly...

2005-10-18T22:22:00.000-05:00

so do you sleep on planes? usually i have more then a tough time falling asleep on a plane....but today was a tad different. i didn't get to bed all too early last night (too busy spending a few moments with friends as the convention closed up) and my alarm went off all to early this morning-
so up i got- way before i ever ever ever wanted to see the day- but up i got to finish packing and head off to the air port. so pretty smooth go to the airport- got there....got checked in....got on plane....here is where things got interesting...
so as i get on the plane as typical the person i was assigned to sit next too was already settled in their seat and i was the window seat. well he gets up...i put my stuff up and get settled. we start having some conversation- you know just nice convo- 'how are you?'- 'where you from?' etc....you know nice little chit-chat.... which is great when you are gonna be sitting next to someone for 3 hours....
well the plane takes off- we finally hit the right place where the little bell chimes and you know it is okay to get out your electric stuff...so i pop out the good o ipod ready to enjoy some crowder and spend some time reflecting on the week (which i have....and will be continuing to do so...and will post more about that later). well i get really really tired...and actually pop my seat back and close my eyes- well not only did i close my eyes- i totally fell asleep. i am not sure excatly how long i was asleep- i woke up the first time as the grouchy little attendant was walking through cleaning up trash from the beverage service (oops missed that one)- funny side bar my seat mate and i agreed that she looked like an exact twin of the wicked witch of the west from the wizard of oz....it was kinda funny....so well i was like whatever and went back to zz land....next time i wake up...i wake up to realize that my seat mate (who's name i don't even know) has fallen asleep. not only has he fallen asleep- he is sleeping on my shoulder! okay....so he is actually close to my age...single....is kinda cute and has great taste in calone....but HELLO...i don't even know his name and he is totally zonked out on me. i kept trying to wake up fully but couldn't- you know that place in sleep when you are awake and asleep- i shifted alittle- and he stays asleep- finally i give up and fall back asleep myself. well next time i wake up....(i am pretty sure i slept at least 2 of the 3 hours) he is not only now sleeping on my shoulder but has cuddled up with me...his hand wrapped around my arm and touching my hand...still zonked out. well this time i was able to wake up more so i shifted and kinda coughed pretending to still be asleep- (i didn't want to embarrass him) he finally wakes up and i can tell he is a little freaked out that he was sleeping on me. i just continue fake sleeping for a few more....then 'wakeup' he doesn't make eye contact with me for the longest time....finally toward the end of the flight he strikes up a conversation with me again. it was all i could do not to start laughing....but i just played nice....played dumb.
i guess it could have been worse...he could have smelled bad and been rude...instead it was just one of those strange- slightly odd- a little uncomfortable- and alot funny (well atleast in my mind it was) flight experiences. sure beats my flight to pittsburgh. but wow....those were the 'friendliest skies' i have ever flown...ha!
okay so stay tuned....more on NYWC experience and reflection coming.....once i recover from cuddling with a guy whos name i don't know....YIKES ....hahahhaa
be blessed....and dream well!

....and God heals....(NYWC Style!)

2005-10-16T22:57:00.000-05:00

okay...so i am a tad slow and off this week on my posting....for good reason though. i am currently in pittsburgh at the nywc........freaking brilliant time!
anyway i am here as a volunteer helping the ys staff. i have been doing this for the last 5 years and LOVE the time i have volunteering- nothing like finding a way to give back to people- fellow youth workers who walk in the same shoes i do...on very holy ground....in differnt places all over the world.
i can't help but think back to last year--- i was in such a difficult place...i was more then broken i was shatterd. i felt like i walked around in the "icu" the whole time- still enjoyed my time last year...but was a completely differnt experince. so anyway...
this year i am actually getting to interpret. that has been such an amazing highlight for me. i actually graduated from college with a degree in interpreting- i then was called to full time ministry and had to really give up a lot of my invoulvment with the Deaf community. i have prayed so often about how God could take my 2 biggest passions and connect them. this week has given me the start of that great picture.....God truly is amazing....blessings flow and continue to do so. as the week has gone on...i feel my skills coming back- and with them...my deep burning passion for the Deaf community. ...so yeah...one of my favorite things to interpret is worship- and i set up a schedule with the other interpreters and i got to interpret for the david crowder *band.....my favorite worship leaders....anyway i had asked crowder a few weeks ago if he would for sure do 'you are my joy' from their new cd as the picture that song creates is amazing. anyway...so second worship time crowder busts out 'you are my joy' and WOW can i tell you what an experince that was? WILD.....
so here i am interpreting that song...and when you interpret you are to do the best of your ablity to match not just the words...but the emotion behind them. so here i am...just in awe at His feet signing this song...so one of the Deaf guys here that i have had the PURE joy of hanging with and getting to know looks at me and says:
"it is like God has healed me- i 'hear' the joy...i can see the joy....i can feel the joy...i 'hear' the joy so loudly- God has spoken and is speaking and His joy is shining-wow..this is amazing"...well okay so i was so close to tears not funny- such a sweet and beautiful moment with our Savior and a new friend. - see when he says he was 'healed' he didn't mean he was hearing like as if his ears were opened...but he was hearing with all of who he is to all of who God is..... AMAZING....so after i went back to thank crowder for doing the song...and asked if it would be alright for the guys to come meet him- and in his typical way- crowder was more then gracious- they had a few min to chat ....snaped a photo....shared hugs...and we were out of there.....i love that crowder is so real- just a normal guy....who is called to lead us to the very throne of Jesus....it was a truly awe inspiring experince. WOW.....i won't forget this anytime soon.
this week has relit the passion in my soul for Deaf teens- i am hoping to find some ways to get involved with doing more. i have so missed interpreting.- it is not my calling full time...but it is truly a passion....so it has been a week of joy.
my arms do feel like they are going to fall off and my brain is full to over flowing....infact yesterday my brain truly "hurt" you have to think and process so much when you interpret. but it has been pure and simple joy........tomorrow is it and i am sad that it will be over...but i am ready for some real sleep. convention time is always crazy and sleep seems to fall by the side... oh well it is more then worth it.
okay tomorrow is another full morning- then clean up and such...so i need to find the journey to my bed and the zzzz's.
praise God for He is good!

keep walking slowly- don't miss out on even the little things.....
thank you Jesus....thank you for the cross....thank you for the calling....thank you for the gift you gave and give today. you are holy...and i seek to be wholly yours!

customer what?.....

2005-10-12T16:37:00.000-05:00

....oh yeah so some people just don't even know what the words "customer service" mean....yep...basically i have had communication with aa and they just don't get it.....basically i was blamed for a employees choice to use inappropriate language and didn't even get truly an appology.....ahh so as for my last post....i still agree.....i am still thinking it...and i still am screaming to all who will listen....AMERICAN AIRLINES TANKS!.....avoid at all costs!....not sure the "discounted ticket" i found was worth the headache....for 32 more dollars i could flown the friendly skys with my favorite airline and had a much better experince!....UGH.....live and learn....

okay back to "work"....
walk on!

american airlines sucks!

2005-10-11T00:05:00.000-05:00

okay so that is a tad strong....MAYBE... you see it has been one of those days...you know the ones.....well welcome to my day today.....it was a glimpse of hell....as my dad use to joke...it is days like this that make me glad i know Jesus.....cause atleast in the end end....there will be no end just joy with Him.....guess you have to know my dad to know how fun that coment is...but yes today makes me glad that this is not my ultimate life.....

so i fought with a airline person...without even trying....really i just went to figure out where my plane was to find out they left 15 min early.....well not really really the door was just shut and i was told "i am in charge of that door and i am not opening it..you will just have to deal with it.. " a few other things were said....i just stood there...saying nothing back knowing that fighting with this woman would not result in anything but more hell for me. UGH....i was at her mercy..so i was put on a flight to leave 2 hours later...but for fun....(NOT) i sat and waited and watched the plane.....my plane the one i was spose to be on ...sit for another 15 min before leaving the gate....(hello how freaking hard would it have been to open the door? i have made tighter flight issues) ....so then go to my next plane area...wait....get on....fly get here and have issues....ahhhh finally arriving at the hotel to find out that 6 of the crystal hand etched communion chalices i made for friend broke because the same NOT SO NICE aa employee told me she woul dnot allow me to carry the box on (mind you it was smaller then most carry ons) and that it would have to be checked....oh yeah and can i mention that i had already made it through security with the box? yeah ...okay so i explain what is in the box...she just gives me this look takes the box and checks it....so yep i am even more TICKED at aa......i am sending a letter.....i am so over it....but realy the part that makes me more over it is that i was nothing but nice to the lady and she not only was rude but cussed at me.....what the heck is that? .....ahhhh

okay too long of a day too much drama for this gal.....i am off to try and get some zzzzzzz

keep walking....slowly.....one foot infront of the other...

art projects that go BLAH!

2005-10-08T00:49:00.000-05:00

okay so i am a tad frustrated....YUCK....okay so i LOVE doing art stuff...i love it love it love it...but i know i am overly critical of my stuff....and tonight is one of those.....i just got done doing some glass etching...but well i am not sure it has turned out how i want....hummmm....we will see...i need to go to sleep and see what it looks like in the morning- i know that if i try to do anything to it tonight.....life could get really really bad....besides it is 1am ...i didn't sleep last night....so i need to go to bed....and reality is...if tomorrow they are as bad as i feel.....well they can go bye bye and who ever has to know that i didn't like what was created? humm no one ..... trash cans were created for days such as this:-) hahaha

tomorrow is a new day- tomorrow is a new day with a new project.....tomorrow is a new day with a new project just waiting to be created.....yes it will happen...tomorrow is all about art-baking some cookies- packing for my trip- and going to hit a movie in the afternoon for a brain break!

walk on!

working on my day off....

2005-10-07T14:09:00.000-05:00

....so what good is a day off?
yeah so this is my typical friday- it is my day off...yet i still find myself in my office. CRAZY...what the heck am i thinking- yeah yeah yeah i know lots to do and only so many hours...but why do we work when it is not our time to work? i can tell you i do it some out of boredom...some because i don't feel like i get enough done...and some out of need....
i told myself all week i wasn't going to work today- but well i had to get up early as it was 'pep rally' day at the high school- can i just go on record right now to say that if you have never lived in texas you haven't really experienced high school football insanity! here in good o St'ville they go all out. EVERY friday during football season our high school takes a full hour of classes to get everyone together in the gym to yell, scream, jump up and down and show school spirit. today i sat as i normally do with the parents (yep here everyone- the whole town it seems sometimes) comes to the pep rallies) and just watched. it is interesting to see- it is interesting to experience- it is something that still to this day baffles my mind.
you see we can't just have a simple pep rally- nope...we have to go over the top....we have to take propane takes and fill them with ball barrings so we can shake them to sound like an attack of the yellowjacket (the school mascot....well if you are a boy...if you are a girl you are a honeybee) ...i don't have anything against it really- i mean i will say i believe we take it a little too far....but i do like the idea of encouraging the students to have some spirit...but yes the pride does come in the way sometimes....it just baffles me what we choose to get so excited about. yes yes yes here it comes.....sike...no it doesn't i am not about to say 'i just wish we gave Jesus the same cheers we give at friday night football' ....because what happens on friday nights is too much- it put on and it is forced.....there is HYPE in the air....there is some excitment....but at the end of the night everyone goes home and it is over....
so today it just hit me that here in texas we tend to go to far....and when i am tired it really seems so....it also hit me that i find one excuse after the other to work when i should be truly taking my day off...wow today has been a day...and with that i am gonna go get my hair done....new hair is a great adventure of a great day....and besides this ramble needs to end...what the heck? ahhhh welcome to my friday.

come and listen.....come and listen to what he's done....

2005-10-05T22:13:00.000-05:00

come and listen.....
i can't tell you exactly how many times i listened to this tune as i drove home tonight from our bible study. david crowder *bands new cd is insane- in a really really good...no wait...in a really really amazing way. anyway- we had a great night of discussion- they are so hungry for truth- the students- they are seeking- they are striving- they are wanting and yearning for more of HIM....ah YES!
so i got in my car stoked out about the night and on came the song "come and listen" so i did listen- again and again and again- however long it took me to get from the church to the house- that is how many times i listened to the words- they are so freaking true- do we...do you take the time to listen to what He has done...what He is doing? do you take the time to praise Him and thank Him for all He has done, is doing and will do? tonight i stand is total AWE of my Savior- His love is so real and alive and here in our face everyday- how do you not see?
i also am thinking on this song as we work on our worship service for the 30th. the song speaks so much to the challege, question and declaration we want to speak that day. It is about Him...it is about challenging people to be bold enough to declare their identity in Him- so i am working on the video...the ideas are RUNNING in my mind nonstop......i am praying they will all come together soon- His goal- His time- His message- that is what we want.
well i am off to listen and see what He has done!

a difference in a year....

2005-10-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

wow.....what a difference a year can really make!
litorally at this exact moment (i mean time and everything) last year i was walking into what would prove to be one of the worst days of my ministry career. you see just a year ago today at 4:15pm in florida i was heading into my weekly 'checkin' in' meeting with my supervisor at the church. no need to feel anything but this is the weekly deal...no big deal...only added stress was we were in the heat of setting up for our rummage sale...a HUGE fundraiser that was a HUGE headache...but the outcome money wise was usually worth it....so here i am walking down the hall thinking nothing of it...i walk into his office...shut the door and sit down ready for our quick 30 min...........i was no way prepared for what would come out of his mouth......i remember the words, the look on his face, the temp in the room and the rock hard slam to my gut that came with his word.... "liz i don't even know how to start....i don't want to be saying this...i don't know why ...but i promised you if i ever thought this was going to happen i would warn you....well it is....it is going to happen. i don't know when i don't know why....but sprc is going to ask you to step down....get your resume out and ready....again i dont' know why or when...i just know it is going to happen." i know i asked some questions- i don't remember them...i just remember beins so unsure if i could even take a deep breath......he kept saying sorry...sorry...i don't know why...why don't you just go home for the day....it will be okay....can i do something for you...i just sat there not saying anything....i remember at one point looking up at him and he just gave me this look- you know like the one a puppy gives you at the pet store begging you to take it home...his last words to me as i was leaving his office- "and liz you can't say anything to anyone- you need to keep this between you and i...i want you to have time to find new position...if you go off talking about this it may speed things up"....so there i was....i had been fired before being fired (how the heck you do that i don't know)....i just walked out to my car got in and started driving.....and then the tears came....and i made a few phone calls....and my world became dark, hallow and very lonely.... ..wow crazy what a year can do....
so this past weekend i was looking for something and i found a journal that i thought i had lost that i actually started last year at this time...my entry from a year ago includes this "my body is numb but yet pain is ripping through my soul. my mind is so fuzzy- i'm not sure about what time it is or what i am doing at any given moment- all i know is time is passing and i can't account for it. i hide now..i hide in my pain, i hide in my anger, i hide in my embarrassment- FIRED- not the word used but it is really the outcome to come- when? i don't know- time doesn't matter anyway- my heart feels as if it has stopped. tears just run down my face- i feel s broken, branded and scared. i feel like i am standing on the firing line watching them clean and prepare their guns that would deliver the final shot- the final blow..i know what is coming- it is the when i can't see. i can already feel the bullets enter my body- they burn as they tear through my flesh- as they enter my soul- even though the first bullet is a direct hit to my heart i am left still breathing watching and waiting for the end to come. how will i do it? how will i move on? how do i prepare to leave when i have to pretend to stay...that nothing is happening...shhh gag order....don't talk to anyone...you have to be your normal happy self- doesn't matter that you are broken...doesn't matter that you are hurting- get over it and get ready to move on. night has come and i should be sleeping- but sleep is escaping me. i lie in bed the dark surrounding me- i am so scared i don't know what to do...tears just keep coming- morning is here..i must go to work...i enter a building now that feels like a prison- a shell of a place- quick paste a smile- nothing is wrong- my mind keeps yelling at me to 'escape- run- don't look back' but i stay- i have no choice. the walls are closing in on me and i can't find a door- what can i do? i can't escape. .....i feel like i have been beaten and left by the side of the road...yet with each car that passes i have to raise my head and smile pretending that nothing is wrong- nothing has happened. ...Jesus (i cry out) i need you- please be more real to me right now it this place then ever before- guide and restore my soul- direct me- i am walking without sight right now...embrace and give me rest....."
it goes on...lots more really- but you see where i was just one year ago today at this exact moment- but a year does change things. I am in a better place- i am in a new ministry- Jesus was faithful then as He is today- it is hard to look back- it is hard to remember last year- it was crazy- but today is beautiful. I love what i do...i love the call He has placed on my heart- i just dont' always like putting my feet down on the path that is before me. fear is a crazy thing- so that is what i am working on right now- FEAR NOT- FOR I AM WITH YOU........yes He is...and for that alone i rejoice greatly- Jesus is my all...my rock...my hope in dark and troubled times...He has lead me and held me...He has covered and healed me.....He is still healing me...wounded and broken i shall always remain- but in that brokenness He shines- Thank you Jesus for the difference of a year.....Thank you for your faithfulness and your hand of grace, mercy and hope....thank you for people who stand in the gap so the bumps only sting and not bruise.....Praise the Lord for His is good- faithful- true.
walking forward with the story of the past to give me strength!

a million miles an hour.......

2005-10-04T22:52:00.000-05:00

......my brain right now...that is where it is....i have a million thoughts....going a million ways...it is INSANE!!!!!!!!!!! i have so much that is happening that sometimes i feel like i am just running after a parked car....do you ever have that feeling? i am made up that way- i like to have lots going all at the same time- but sometimes i just want to yell.....WAIT......STOP.....someone please for the love of jellybeans push the PAUSE button..... right now is one of those times.....i need to stop for a moment...yet i am not sure when and how i can...that is my goal tonight as i fight to fall asleep (yep i know it is gonna be a fight because my brain is going mad crazy)....i am going to look at my next few days and truly find time that i can just PAUSE and BE.....i need some BE time with the great I AM....I need to BE with BE.....yeah that is it....hold me to it...challenge me to do it...sometime between now and sunday i need to do this!...that is the goal!

alright...off the the journey of zzzzz land- well soon i hope!

Jesus....

2005-10-03T21:11:00.000-05:00

...my identity. is He? that is the question....the statement....the truth that we are focusing on in the coming month during our times together at our youth meetings. we lead worship once a qrt at the church and our theme on october 30th is Jesus:my identity- focusing on the question that Jesus asked of the disciples (it is found in matthew, mark, and luke)- you see first He askes "who do others say that I am?" and the disciples are quick to tell Him- "a prophet, elijah, john the baptist" .....he then turns around and asks... "who do you say that I am?"....peter speaks up..."the Christ of God....the Messiah"....so Jesus asked that question then....and i believe He is asking that question still today- so that is our challenge....that is our goal....to ask people "who is Jesus" and in asking them the question causing them to think about it.....think about how they respond to the question.....not just with their words...but with their very actions.... some would say we are being a little risky- some would say we have no right- some would say that the question has been answered again and again- but has it? every day i feel like i am surrounded with "cheesy Jesus" junk- being in full time ministry i get a whole stack of things asking me to buy this buy that....look at this cool pic of Jesus playing hockey- get it for all your hockey loving students.....COME ON PEOPLE......have we taken it too far? sometimes i find some of this funny- other times i find it sad.....what if the only Jesus we are being to others is the one found at urban outfitter? you know...the Jesus action figure....or hey better then that....what about the ever so popular bobble-head Jesus? ............ just has me thinking.... and thinking.....and wondering.....and pondering....who is Jesus? is He really my identity? ........if so....how do i show it? or is it just a little bobble-head Jesus style of identity? humm more on this later........

pondering and wondering!
Lizzy<><

caveman night in stephenville...wow...

2005-10-01T00:47:00.000-05:00

so tonight we had our first B.A.R.F. event (bring a real friend) it is our evangelism program with our students. we host events that are fun and low key for our students to invite their non-churched friends.

tonight was caveman night- i try to have a theme each time we get together...for the fun factor..so we asked and encouraged all the youth to dress up in caveman stylin' clothes...(some did some didn't)...and get ready for a great night. we had cave painting contests (they had to do bible stories in cave art...pretty funny really)...we ahd food...oh my did we have food! ....and we had a little screening of encino man. since it came out in 1992 many of the kids han't seen it. it was a great night full of laughter and fun.....but more then that it was a glimpse into what can be.....you see i haven't been here all that long....this is our first event like this...and the kids get it....i mean they get it....they want to be here...they want to bring their friends...not just for the fun.....but to be together as a crew...a family of believers and seekers....it was a GREAT night....thanks Jesus for the love and hope...and thanks pauly shore for one wicked mellon thump of a story du-ed...yeah bu--dy

ahh with that...i am climbing in bed for some well needed and well earned zzzzz's......

praise Him who loves us as we are!

...today my heart broke........

2005-09-29T16:45:00.000-05:00

it was crazy....... i was at the wesley foundation for lunch (our church feeds the college crew that shows up on thursdays-- it is free--and usually pretty good--what a deal for them- never had anything like this when i was in college..) i go each week just to hang out and talk- it is a great break to my week. each week either myself, one of our pastors or a college student gives a short devo...well this week was my week....and to be honest i just wasn't in the right place- didn't have the energy or 'want-to' to do it, yet it was my turn. so that morning as i was getting ready to go i decided to pull the devo i did for our worship team last week.....

i have been reading louie giglios book 'i am not....but i know I AM' - i first heard louie give a talk on this subject a few years back at the national youth workers convention. it was/is a message that i go back to often...infact i will admit to 'liberating' the idea of the message and using it in my own ministry.... so when the book came out i was quick to order it- like what usually happens with me...i had a stack of 'books to read' sitting on my desk and finally made it to this one a few weeks back..... so the start of the book is based on looking at moses at the burning bush when he oh so boldly asks God what His name is.....I AM ....which means we are all names 'i am not' (really this is more then the readers digest version so go get the book and read it for yourself it is great...will really knock you in the head) i currently am stuck on this section of the book....I AM vs i am not.... so i used that in my worship team meeting and we discussed a lot about being sure that I AM is always the center....always the reason...always the leader of our worship...we are not.... it was good....so i figured i would just use the same deal and just leave the words for the college kids to stir over in their minds- (okay yes it was an easy way to just do the devo without doing the time....but wait....God knew this needed to be the message...read on!)

...so come with me back to the wesley center......

time comes for the devo-i get up...read exodus 3 and then the 4.5 pages of the book....we pray.... i am done....they go back to eating i go back to hangin and talkin... well i am standing by the ping pong table talking with some guys playin...jokin around....and this gal walks up. she isn't a student...she works at the college. but she has a story...........(we all have a story)...and something about me made her want to tell it.

things have happened in her life...some would say they were unfair....but that isn't what caused my heart to break- what caused it break was her telling me about being at church- in a sunday school class and out of ignorance someone in the class made a very judgmental and harsh statement about people who are in prison and how there is no hope for them so why minister to them. you see this person made not only a very ingnorant statement- but without knowing she squished this gal flat. her husband is in prison- she told me she hasn't been back. she admitted that it is her and she shouldn't have allowed it to stop her from being in worship- but she felt and feels so judged. .....here is why my heart broke.........

out of ignorance a statement was made. a statement that is direct opposit what Jesus did...what He called us to do.... and a statement that i am sure was made in ignorance and fear built a wall between this gal and her Father in heaven- instead of walking along side her and showing her love, support, and encouragement. my heart breaks everytime someone walks away from the church because someone inside the walls....someone who thinks they have the answers.......who acts like they have life all together.....speaks in a place where only truth should be declared ...and throws bricks faster then they can bake. i want to sit down with people like this and just read the Word.....encourage them to open their hearts and eyes to the view that lies outside their little picture of life.........i want to encourage people to become the wood, nails, hammer and hands that builds the bridge for people who stand just outside the church ....for people who run from the church....a bridge that leads to the cross.....the Father....the giver of life and love....the protector....the very hands of mercy and grace......

so today my heart broke and my journey slowed down...and instead of being dizzy i was sad....but i also am so thankful. thankful that today was my day to give the devotion...that today i was too tired to do something else...something that i hadn't done....i am thankful that God has blessed people like Louie to see stories we were rasied on with new eyes....that we hear the story again for the first time..... i am thankful that something about me on this day comforted a person enough that they could come and talk to me....i am thankful that God would use me...as unworthy and unable to do it as i am....i am thankful that my day was slow....that i had nothing else on my plate....i am thankful that i took the time to listen........Jesus is merciful i shared with her....He cares more then anyone you will ever look in the eyes....

she has hope now she says.....she is bringing her daughter to our youth event friday night.... may we all be merciful tomorrow. may we all shine Him with out any agenda but to shine Him from our hearts..........may our broken hearts flow of His love, mercy and grace.....

back to the journey......one foot infront of the other........slowly...yet with HOPE

the collision has arrived.............

2005-09-27T01:58:00.000-05:00

...........and it was/is freakin brilliant!

do you have it yet? if not- what the heck are you doing? stop now....go get it.....it is truly a treat of yumminess for the ears.....it is classic crowder- not just pushing the envelope with each new cd...but recreating how the freaking thing goes together....

so spent the night in wacko-waco at the release party/concert- robbie seay band=stinkin nails (another cd to go get if you don't got) shane and shane=amazing .....and then .... the crowder crew- freakin brilliant---truly brilliant.....the whole night amazing....well minus the HEAT- hello like 100 in waco today...think it was 99 inside ubc....lots of bodies...lots of sweat....lots of amazing tunes...lots of love....and best of all ....lots of HIS GLORY!

but now i am tired....beat....exhausted....yet freakin stoked and full of joy.....ahh nothing like a great night of amazing worship of the ONE- Jesus- to cause you to drift off to dream land smiling and humming....or after tonight and one funky song....whistling...but well you gots to get the cd to understand that.....oh yeah....welcome back rock opera! SWEET......
night!
happy trails............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

rescue the perishing.............

2005-09-25T10:19:00.000-05:00

care for the dying, Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save.....

So it was written a long time ago...1870 to be exact- but the words have been ringing over and over in my heart since katrina made land fall and as we watched rita prepare to hit.

i was doing some visiting in midland over labor day weekend and was told i needed to hear this hymn that was done in the church service the week before- before katrina hit- before we knew what we now see.

a couple had taken the song and arranged it a little differently- added to the chours gave it a bridge- but the truth of the words rang out just like they must have back in 1870 when Fanny Crosby wrote it- a call to all- a plea- a comand- a duty..........

i keep coming back to the words- "rescue the perishing, care for the dying, snatch them in pity from sin and the grave; weep over the erring one, lift up the fallen, tell them of Jesus the mighty to save. .....rescue the perishing, care for the dying, Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save."....

how? what can i do? pray- sure been there doing that....but what can i physically do? how can my hand reach out?

"Though they are slighting him, still he is waiting, waiting the penitent child to receive; plead with them earnestly, plead with them gently; he will forgive if they only believe. .......rescue the persishing, care for the dying, Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save."

life is a precious gift- i have been glued to fox news over the past weeks- watching- looking- crying- seeing the devistation and heartbreak on the faces of so many. their questions ring out in my mind........"WHY?" ...... i have been relieved to see that many people are not trying to answer that question with smugness- with "the answer"- instead i have seen (on the most part) compassion. compassion on the faces of those who have gone to help....compassion on the faces of those who are reaching out.....compassion- it is a beautiful thing in the midst of dispare and horror.....

"down in the human heart, crushed by the tempter, feelings lie buried that grace can restore; touched by a loving heart, wakened by kindness, chords that were broken will vibrate once more.......rescue the persishing, care for the dying, Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save...... Rescue the perishing, duty demands it; strength for thy labor the Lord will provide; back to the narrow way patiently win them; tell the poor wanderer a Savior has died.....rescue the perishing, care for the dying, Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save!"

how will you be a part of the "rescue" mission? i am trying to figure that out myself right now- how can my hands reach out....how can i wash?

rescue the perishing, care for the dying, Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save!

the missing friend

2005-07-20T13:49:00.000-05:00

so i try hard to stay in touch with people....not always so easy.....but i do my best- well i would like to think i do- i guess i could do better...but that is not what this is about....i have taken a side trip...excuse me while i get back on the original road......

i LOVE photographs...old....new....black and white....color....sephia....glossy....matte.....i love what the potographs represent.....they are pictures of a time frozen forever....some show faces.....some show land...but all of them tell a story.... (like this one of a friend and his son on a boat ride in florida....it tells more about the people then the event...)

if you come to my home...or to my office....or just glace through my bible you will find pictures....some of faces...some of land...some that are black and white....some that are in color....i have cut some to fit a space...i have enlarged others to scream a story.....reguardless....pictures are everywhere......and i am always looking for new ones....i go nowhere without at least one camera......... yet today the pictures that surround me with joy....have also brought a stab of sadness to my heart........sitting here at my desk the faces of so many stare at me....people who i have met over the years...students who have been a part of a ministry.......as i look at the faces i can tell you things about each person....yet a few pictures are harder to talk about....they are the faces of people who i don't see regularly....some i wonder if i will ever spend time with them again.....then there is a face of a friend who impacted my life in amazing ways........yet this picture is the one that haunts me the most....see i haven't talked to this friend in a while....not for lack of trying....for awhile they couldn't be found- didn't want to be found- but one day i did find them....yet i think they didn't want to be found....the phone call remains unreturned....it is sad really....

you see i believe that as we walk this journey called life God blesses us by bringing people in and out of our lives....some of these people are meant to be there only for a moment....a small corner of the great picture of what God is wanting us to see and experience....(i am sure you all know the type of people i am talking about...you might share names and a conversation yet you know that will be all it ever is).....but others you know without doubt that your paths have been crossed for a greater moment then a quick shared story. your lives will forever be linked in some way....these are the people you strive to stay in contact with...you work at the relationship....they are also the ones that if you go 6 months between seeing each other it is like that time didn't happen when you get together....and those are the people that when they go missing from your life you wonder about them lots.....so this is where i am with this friend....i have taken most pictures of them down....they have become too hard to look at daily....just a reminder of a friend that is missing....i keep a few of them up....not that i need them to recall the face, the places, the memories and the times shared....but it is a comfort to glance and see their face......but some days it is like i am looking at the milk carton picture...or the big billboards of children and people who are missing.....i always feel for the people whos lives have been interupted by the missing person in thier life...unlike them i know where my friend is....i know they are alright....so in that way i am blessed....but i would still like to file a missing friend report today....just want them to know that they are loved.........missed.........they made a impression in my life....that won't change.....

so why does God cause our lives to cross if some encounters will only bring pain in the end? it is a process of life...a process of finding who we really are.....no matter who we are and where we go ultimatly we are shaped by our past and our present....and truthfully we are never alone on the journey........God is there....and if you ever doubt that look at the faces that surround you.....look at the pictures on your wall...in your office....and if you don't have pictures go grap a camera and start getting those moments of time............

well i need to go run in circles.......
happy trails!

2005-07-19T16:04:00.000-05:00

so in april i was in austin visiting a few of my old students who are now college students...anyway you can see these posters all over austin.....well the unedited version that is....the one that reads 'american for peace*help stop war'.....you see them everywhere....so boldly proclaiming the message.....but see i found this 'edited' version of the popular poster on the wall of a very bold college student. does it strike you as interesting that a college student sees beyond a message on a poster? he gets it.....it isn't about the war....i don't think you will find one person who thinks war is good....it is tough it is hard....but terrorism is a crazy thing.....it is big.....it reaches into the hearts and homes of everyone.....instead of being against the war why not be in support of those who are working for us....fighting for freedom....fighting to end terrorism. i can't say i am for the war....but i also won't say i am against it. instead i will choose to pray for those who are fighting and defending america.....so for now....i must say.....i am an american against terrorism! pray for our leaders....pray for our soldiers........pray for today and tomorrow.....

what is reality?

2005-07-19T16:02:00.000-05:00

i have a confession- i like reality tv....i do....there i said it....i know that makes me kinda lame- but well there is something that i enjoy about it, can't for sure tell you what that is...but i enjoy it from time to time....

so last night i settled in to watch a little tv and just vegg some more. the day was a 'blank stare' day so i knew not to expect too much of myself. so i settled in and turned on the tub- hit my dvr button and prepared to watch 'the scholar' and feel dumber then dumb....i mean come on those kids know stuff that i am sure was never taught when i was in high school...or maybe i was asleep in that class....at anyrate these kids have brains that i can only dream of having....yet as i sat and watched the last show of the series i found myself a little shocked by what i heard them saying. over the last few weeks they have had team challenges and 'captain quizes' that have tested not only their brain smarts but their heart smarts, their integrity....they were used to test the 'value' of each student. so last night as i watch it hits me- these kids are stressin over winning because it means a full ride to the college of their choice. when you listen to them talk you see that their identity is in if they win or not...and if they have lost already they talk so down on themselves.....so this is my question- have we gone to far? is it insane to be asking high school graduates to go on national television and compete for a full ride scholarship...to be known as 'the scholar'? i mean come on- you should have heard them talk about themselves and thier team mates. you should have heard the 'scholarship commitee' talk about these students like they were statistics to be measured into socitey...why is there so much pressure on students to be the best, the brightest, star athlete....when did it become nolonger acceptable to just be a high school student enjoying school and doing their best? when did the desire to be come the top inch out the students who have lots going for them but may not score perfect on the sat? just where is our society taking education? who decided what a 'top' student looked like?

so as i watched the show last night (fastforwarding through the comercials-thank goodness for DVR) i see a glimpse of the newest reality tvshow to hit the tube...brat camp....hummm i can't go there...i won't be watching this one.....we have finally gone to far.....we have gone from having the 'top' compete for who is the best....the toppest of tops....and now we have children who are struggling in life....who are challenged and hunted by thoughts and expeinces of life...and we have put them on national television and called it of all things 'brat camp'- these are children- the very beloved children of God- who need help- who society has called out....so here they are....down....out....and on national television for our viewing pleasure....you know what....the hurts of the world are reality....the war in iraq is reality......families not able to afford education is reality....people who struggle that is reality.....but when do we say enough is enough and pull the plug on societies desire to watch the lives of others so they can say 'well atleast that isn't me' or 'i am better then that'......so i guess i have to rethink somethings.....i like reality tv..i love survivor, amazing race, hells kitchen, and was intrested in what took place on the scholar....but brat camp is too much too far too real....

humm well back to my reality of work and more work......
happy trails!

the blank stare

2005-07-18T17:33:00.000-05:00

so today i have the 'blank stare' down.

i was gone all week with my students at a youth event- it was good....but sleep escaped me- always seems to when i am off with my students. it was a good week- we were in oklahoma and stayed at OU- it was okay- the beds were bad....the food was not too hot (yet scary cause for college food it was good).....the walking was the tough part. we clocked a min of 5 miles a day in the nice heat of norman...but it was worth it. lots of great worship- lots of great speakers- and some sic concerts and such-over all pretty good week....

the close of my week was celebrated by spending all day saturday at 6 flags- woo hoo- okay so it would have been LOADS more fun had i slept the week past- but still it was fun and we got to see third day in the events of the day as well...and even managed to ride a coaster....

so that is what has led to today and the 'blank stare'
no matter how hard i try i can't seem to get all the areas of my brain to fire at the same time- it is strange. it has been a day kinda like a bad horror movie...yeah know the ones where they show the person 'watching what is happening' but are not a part of what is taking place? yeah that is where i am- i few times i have had the start of a great thought but somewhere between thought and putting a pen to paper to write it down my brain misfires and the end result is the blank stare......so with that.....i am calling it a day- i'm off- headin home- excited to see my puppies and even more excited about finding my favorite jammies waiting for me and then putting something mindless on the tv and perfecting the 'blank stare'- wonder if i can get a award for it?

happy trails!